Guilt, anger, despair, a sense of injustice, and a river of tears: These are some of the emotions and states that can haunt a person who has suffered a devastating loss. People say the hurt will fade with time. Yet for many, the emotional wound never seems to heal.
According to grief counselor Dr. Deborah S. Derman, Ph.D., time alone is not enough.
“You have to understand that grief is normal, but it’s not something you can go around or avoid,” she said. “You have to go through it in order to get to the other side of it.”
In her counseling practice, Derman has helped many children and adults through the grief recovery process. Because of her own traumatic losses, it’s work that is very close to her heart.
Derman’s first major devastation came at 27 when her boyfriend committed suicide. Ten years later, she watched as a small plane crashed at a local airport, killing both of her parents. Then when she was 39, her husband died of a sudden heart attack on the rugby field, leaving Derman alone with two toddlers and pregnant with a third child.
“When I was widowed in 1992, there was no such thing as cell phones. There were no online groups. The resources were very poor,” she said. “So I decided that when I got my feet on the ground, I was going to go back to school, get a doctorate, and figure out what really happens to people after a loss.”
