Helping Addicts Avoid Rock Bottom Without Enabling

Helping Addicts Avoid Rock Bottom Without Enabling
Families and loved ones can help an addict find a rock bottom that isn't quite so devastating or deep.(Shutterstock)
Conan Milner
10/25/2022
Updated:
10/25/2022

We live in an age of addiction. Drug and alcohol abuse has been on the rise for decades. And in the past few years, the number and severity of such addictions have made a dramatic rise.

And it isn’t just drugs. Experts point to disturbing rises in other compulsively destructive behaviors, such as porn addiction, gambling addiction, and food addiction.

Several factors may contribute to this trend, but there’s one predominant method that many families eventually use to deal with loved ones who suffer with it.

A spirit of tough love characterizes this approach. After trying to help the loved one curtail their addiction, or begging them to get help, we start to pull back. We also don’t want to enable bad behavior by constantly coming to the rescue of someone who seems unable to be responsible for themselves. So we call them out by staging an intervention and demanding change. And until an addict finally admits to his or her problem and starts making amends, friends and family are often encouraged to keep their distance.

Pulling away is necessary because it leads an addict to a place called “rock bottom.” This is a point at which the consequences of an addiction become so extreme that pain finally overwhelms the grip of compulsion.

If everything goes according to plan, the rock bottom experience teaches a valuable and lasting lesson. It inspires an individual to recognize their behavior, get help, and sober up. However, waiting for someone you care about to arrive at this destination can take a lot longer and look a lot uglier than you might expect.

A Flawed Idea

It’s a very familiar approach, but some experts say it’s flawed. The American Addiction Centers (AAC) describe it as the “rock bottom myth.”

On the website for this leading provider of addiction treatment services, the AAC states that the rock bottom approach “can have serious repercussions, in that it can significantly influence the perceptions and behaviors of family members and treatment professionals toward the addicted person.”

The potential tragedy of this idea is that people are pushed apart at a time when support and communication are sorely needed. Giving addicts the space to reach rock bottom is said to be part of the transformation process. But it may just leave them feeling abandoned and betrayed. It can also leave friends and family feeling powerless as they wait for their loved one to ruin his or her life in pursuit of an all-time low.

The rock bottom concept may be the most widely known method in addressing an addiction problem, but it isn’t the only one. In fact, lesser known but more successful methods can help to promote change with far less pain for everyone involved.

The Center for Motivation and Change (CMC) specializes in teaching such evidence-based communication techniques. These strategies are featured in the organization’s new book “Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change.”

The persistence of the rock bottom approach owes to the sense it makes on the surface.

Many recovered addicts also recount their own rock bottom as the experience that finally convinced them to get help.

It’s clear that the negative consequences of an addiction can be an extremely convincing catalyst for turning one’s life around. And there’s no doubt that friends or family who enable an addict can prolong bad behavior. But according to Ken Carpenter, director of training at the CMC Foundation for Change and a licensed clinical psychologist and research scientist, the rock bottom model lacks the nuance that can allow for supportive relationships to blossom within the process.

“Family members can help raise the bottom, so to speak. They can be on the sidelines. And when a person is more likely to be contemplating change, they'll be there so that they can raise the bottom a person has to hit,” Carpenter said.

Making a Connection

Influencing someone to change is never easy, but using a confrontational approach often makes it worse. A major weakness of the intervention model is that it’s confrontational at its core, even if the tone of the actual conversation is calm or gentle. It puts an addict on the spot, and typically builds to a demand for an immediate commitment to change and accountability. This approach leaves little room for negotiation. The goal is to demonstrate how serious the problem is and to spark realization and motivation but, Carpenter says, it often backfires.

“It pushes people in the very opposite direction of what we’re hoping to do,” he said.

A confrontational approach in any personal interaction can easily invite a defensive reaction. If we feel like we’re being attacked, we’re likely to retreat or retaliate.

But to the person attempting to help us, it may look like we’re just refusing to change or acknowledge our problem. So they push their point harder, leading to further tension, conflict, and hopelessness.

It’s understandable why we might feel justified in using a confrontational approach. Looking at an addiction from a distance, it can seem irrational, destructive, and absurd. While we still need to stick by our values, instead of starting in with demands and judgment, consider first fostering a connection. Carpenter suggests one point of entry is to find out what motivates an addiction.

“Often, families and friends are never asked to consider that. And they find it very helpful, because it actually opens up a door of conversation,” he said.

Asking for the motivation behind an addiction doesn’t condone the behavior, but it can reveal some genuine understanding and create an opportunity for connection that’s less likely to happen in a confrontation. This question also gives an addict an opportunity to reflect on their behavior in a way they themselves may have never considered.

“When I would ask people that question, at first they’re suspicious of me, because that’s not what they’re used to talking about,” Carpenter said. “They have rehearsed answers as to why they shouldn’t be doing it. But asking, ‘What do you get out of it?’ can be a game changer sometimes in terms of the tone of conversations.”

Families Learning CRAFT

Conversational techniques such as the one described above are part of what is known as CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training). The program is designed for the families of people who struggle with addiction.

Whereas the rock bottom idea keeps to a fairly limited script, CRAFT gives a wider range of options to keep the lines of communication open.

“I can step back. I can ask what you mean by that. I can inquire or just reflect back to you what I’m hearing,” Carpenter said. “‘You don’t want to change. That’s what I’m hearing from you. Am I correct? Help explain more.’”

Carpenter says the approach provides flexibility to maneuver the conversation without it inevitably leading toward conflict.

CRAFT was developed at the University of New Mexico by two researchers who conducted several studies over two decades to demonstrate the program’s effectiveness. Their studies showed that about 70 percent of the families who used the program saw their loved ones seek treatment and reduce their substance abuse.

“The philosophy behind this [program] is that motivational barriers weren’t really the absence of pain, but the absence of hope,” Carpenter said.

Finding Hope

Pain can be a great teacher, but so can hope. The problem is that while we may find pain in abundance, hope is often hard to come by.

But hope can be found in several forms. CMC acknowledges that the paths to recovery are very diverse. A program that works for one individual may not be effective for someone else. In fact, many addicts fully recover without any therapy at all. Realizing that there are a variety of options available grants a great deal of freedom.

Whatever your path might involve, a reliable source of hope to be found along the way comes from our relationships. It’s in the stories of failure and triumph that we share with each other, and in assisting one another with the challenges we face.

Keeping the lines of communication open helps keep this hope alive.

“I look at motivation not residing in you or residing in me, but is really just a matter of our interaction,” Carpenter said.

Conan Milner is a health reporter for the Epoch Times. He graduated from Wayne State University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts and is a member of the American Herbalist Guild.
twitter
Related Topics