Do you want to know the untold secret, used for thousands of years by the ancients, for living lean, having the body of your dreams, and being in control of your eating?
Well, I’m sorry to get your hopes up, but there simply isn’t one. However, after working with hundreds of clients, I have noticed several trends among those who finally gain control of their eating, waistlines, and lives—and I have not seen these trends in those who continually try, yet struggle, yo-yo diet, and never really seem to make it.
The top three things I have found among those who reach their goals and then actually stay there are the following:
1. Self-responsibility
2. Thinking about what they are eating and when (“thinking in macros”)
3. Consistency
After several years of battling with myself and then helping others learn to make these into habits, I have found that when these three things are applied for a period of time, a mental shift happens: Food is no longer a struggle, and eating the best way becomes effortless. Yes, I said “eating” and “effortless” in the same sentence.
Self-Responsibility
By self-responsibility, I mean becoming responsible for your thoughts and actions with regard to your food.
Too frequently, I encounter people who desperately want to lose weight. They think and stress about it all day long, and often talk or joke about needing to lose weight. But, at the end of the day, we can all tell that it’s no laughing matter for them.
Our brains have an army of excuses that support denial. (g-stockstudio/thinkstockphotos.com)
Sometimes they might bust out the old, “Back in my day, I was a size 6 … Just wait until you are my age, have kids, or your metabolism slows.” Clearly, weight loss (or lack thereof) is something that is quite important to them. Yet when it comes time to actually make the necessary changes, there is always an excuse:
• “I don’t have the time.”
• “I have too many social, family, or work events happening this week/month/decade.”
• “My partner is a bad influence and talks me into buying takeout.”
• “I just can’t give up my cheese and wine.”
• “I have a slow metabolism, sweet tooth, or savory tongue.”
• “I am big-boned or susceptible to all forms of peer pressure.”
• “I wouldn’t dare to miss my hazelnut latte.”
• Or, my personal favorite: “I just love my food too much!”
When I hear this sort of talk, I find it difficult. I have found that I can’t help anyone who isn’t willing to help himself or herself.
Thinking more broadly, it’s not just the excuses. It’s the ever-present desire to lose weight that never seems to be acted upon. It’s total denial of the reality that even though you really want this, you still can’t seem to do what it takes, or you can’t manage to sustain what it takes for any length of time.
This denial is often supported by these kinds of excuses:
• Rationalization and justification: “It’s Friday—I deserve this treat.”
• Minimizing: “It’s only a small bar of chocolate.”
• Comparison: “I’m not as bad as Sally from work—you should see her!”
• Uniqueness: “You might have the time to train and prep food, but I am too busy.”
• Blaming: “If my husband didn’t always talk me into takeout …”
• Distraction: You can see this in your friends who always crack a funny joke or make an outburst when attention is shifted to them or their weight.
• Intellectualizing: You can see this in people who have tried every diet, read every book, and been to every seminar. They never stop asking questions and tend to talk in great detail about things that are rarely relevant or useful. They know it all, yet can’t apply any of it.
Denial is hard to recognize in ourselves. If you are strongly denying any of the above-listed behaviors, or you are feeling slightly uneasy reading this, then I encourage you to become interested in why that might be.
I know this about denial because I have had to take a hard and uncomfortable look at myself, recognize these issues, and then enact the necessary steps to change.
If you are reading this and saying, “I don’t relate to any of this,” then you are probably kidding yourself. We are all engaged in some level of denial, and we will all engage in this behavior again!
Let’s drop the masks and get real for a moment. The question is: Will you let your thinking control you, or will you take charge of your mind and make conscious decisions?
This is Part 1 of a series. Part 2 will discuss how to become responsible to yourself.
