It’s a moment that some travelers relish—but many dread. Moments after walking into my spacious and luxurious room at one of Rome’s most storied addresses, I heard a knock on the door. A few seconds later, a perfectly coiffed man in a tailored tuxedo strode inside, his perfection—in haberdashery and grooming—forming a stark contrast to the battered state of my carry-on suitcase sitting nearby. Not to mention my own rather downmarket, travel-ready outfit.
But from the start, the man made it clear that he had one purpose. He was at my service. Butlers were standard here at St. Regis Rome. He showed me the phone, which even had a dedicated button to ring them 24 hours a day. “If you need anything at all, just push this,” he said, “and whatever you need, we will make sure to take care of you.”
Sounds nice, right? Maybe not. It is an undeniable truth: Most North Americans are not comfortable with butler service. Most of us didn’t grow up at Downton Abbey. We’ve never had servants, and the whole thing feels weird.
Having in-room dining bring you a cheeseburger, or housekeeping make your bed, or the concierge call for a dinner reservation—well, that’s one thing. But a dedicated butler? One who will happily draw you a bath? That’s a lot more personal. I grew up as a lower-middle class kid in a small town. When we traveled on summer road trip vacations, the accommodations were usually the drive-up-to-the-door variety of motels. Dinner was at Denny’s—with a coupon, if we could find it. So butlers didn’t come easy to me either.
Happy to Help
Butlers will often present you with a list of standard services, which includes things like pressing your clothes and bringing your coffee and newspaper in the morning. Once, while staying at a small, boutique property in the Rocky Mountains managed by a man trained to serve the Queen of England, I requested one of the items that seemed the oddest to me: an offer to pack my suitcase.Sure enough, two young female butlers arrived. With practiced precision, they began taking my old cargo shorts and faded golf shirts, sorting them on the bed before doing a curious thing. They wrapped most of the items in tissue before placing them in the suitcase. Arriving at my next destination felt like Christmas had come early, unwrapping all of my old clothes.
One of my first experiences with butler service was one of the most extreme, in terms of intimacy and comprehensive service. I was staying at an all-villa Taj luxury lodge at Bandhavgarh National Park, in Central India. As the area is home to one of the densest populations of Royal Bengal tigers in the world, every day was filled with thrills. There were so many sightings of these magnificent, proud, endangered big cats striding through their wild territory.
And waiting for me back at the villa? My Nepali butler, who went by the name Charlie. Breakfast was utterly impeccable—and the most awkward. He would arrive with my eggs, toast, and coffee, putting a little bit of a performance into their presentation, theatrically lifting the silver lids to reveal the steaming food beneath.
And then I sat, alone, and ate. Every time I would take a sip of coffee or juice, Charlie would rush over and refill it. Then return to a spot near the front door, where he stood, silent and ramrod straight.
More Than Just Service
Here’s the thing: Having a butler, especially in a foreign country, truly is a rare and special opportunity to get to know a person, and through them, a culture. You really can ask them anything (you know, within reason).Perhaps my favorite butler was a woman named Theresa at the Ritz-Carlton Reserve in Thailand. It is a rambling resort overlooking the dramatic limestone karsts rising like medieval towers out of the aquamarine of the Andaman Sea, the self-contained villas spaced out among green rainforest. It was a huge place. So one of the most valuable services Theresa provided was picking me up in a golf cart and taking me wherever I needed to go.
Which meant I had plenty of time to chat with this amiable, intelligent Thai woman. As we made our way to the gift shop or the waterside restaurant, I learned about her childhood in a nearby village and her family life today. I asked about how Thais view westerners—and what they thought weirdest about us—and about her future plans and career aspirations.
When I boarded a boat back to Phuket, I felt like I understood a lot more about the country around me. Perhaps I also made a friend here. The farewell was heartfelt. And I was certainly glad that I had embraced the butler service.
- Break the ice. Butlers are generally friendly and approachable, so even if you don’t use any of their services, you can still have a nice chat.
- Engage, engage, engage. The more the butler knows about you, the better they can anticipate your needs.
- See them as a one-stop shop, coordinating all the services at the hotel. Rather than dealing with room service, reception, and concierge all separately, just call your butler. He will remember that you don’t like too much sauce on your pasta, or even that you love musicals, and suggest a new show opening nearby.
- If you use their services, a tip is customary but varies depending on the country and how much help the butler provides. (If in doubt, discreetly ask reception how much is appropriate.)
- Always remember: Butlers are eager to provide good service. Doing so is their job. You don’t feel bad about a bus driver having to be behind the wheel or a bartender pouring you a drink. Take the same approach with your butler.
