You haven’t showered in a few days, and you haven’t brushed your teeth yet this morning.
But your baby is one month old today. You picked out the perfect outfit and made sure the lighting was just right for the perfect photo. You posted the best one on Facebook this morning, and you keep checking to see if anyone has “liked” the picture.
After scrolling through the “likes” and comments, you notice that your mother-in-law, who is always online, hasn’t responded to the picture of her darling grandbaby yet.
Why not? What gives? Perhaps she hasn’t seen it yet. Or maybe she doesn’t like the baby’s outfit. Maybe she thinks you’re not a good mother.
And what about that friend of yours from high school? You always “like” and comment on the photos of her kids. Why hasn’t she acknowledged your baby’s photo? Perhaps you aren’t such a good mother after all.
To some, this scenario might sound ridiculous, but it is a real and frequent consequence of being a new mother and sharing the experience on Facebook.
What’s Behind the Need to Post?
Why would a busy and exhausted new mother use valuable time to craft the perfect baby photo for Facebook? Moreover, why should she care so much about how these “friends”—some of whom are family and close friends, but many of whom are mere acquaintances—respond to photos of her baby?To connect. Being a new mother can be lonely and overwhelming.
When I joined Facebook in 2008, my daughter was past the baby stage, but I noticed immediately that Facebook was littered with photos and posts about babies and young children.
When Pride Becomes a Downer
When their babies were 9 months old, we surveyed these mothers and fathers about their use of Facebook and other social networking sites in the early months of parenthood.
We asked our questions of fathers as well as of mothers, but we quickly discovered that mothers were the ones spending more time on social networking sites and taking primary responsibility for posting baby photos. Thus, we focused our research on new mothers.
Inevitable Comparisons Bring Stress
How might greater Facebook use lead new mothers to feel stressed and blue?If you are comparing yourself to others’ seemingly perfect images of parenting and family life, you may inevitably come up short. This may be especially true for new mothers whose experiences have gone differently than expected. Think about the new mother who was determined to have a natural birth but ended up having a cesarean section, or the new mother whose child was born prematurely or with a developmental disability.
Meeting for Coffee Might Be More Meaningful
So, should mothers give up Facebook and other social networking sites? Not necessarily.
However, I think mothers should carefully consider their motivations for using Facebook and their reactions to Facebook activity. If you find you are obsessing over “likes” on your photos, consider turning off notifications on Facebook and logging on only at certain times of the day.
Or if time spent on Facebook leaves you feeling blue, you may benefit from taking a break from Facebook for weeks or months and instead focusing on making phone calls to friends or meeting face-to-face for coffee.
All parents who use Facebook and other social networking sites can help too by working harder to share the struggles as well as the triumphs of parenting. They can also support instead of criticize mothers who portray themselves in a less-than-perfect—but more authentic—light.
Friends Read Free