Have you ever had this experience? Your partner (or someone close to you) says something hurtful, or behaves in a hurtful way, and then later, when confronted, won’t talk about it, or insists it never happened? These people may claim they never said or did what you say they did, or that they would never say such a thing or use such a tone. They charge that you are making it up or distorting reality. Denial can then lead to attack—you are the one in the wrong, controlling and misjudging with your incorrect reality.
Most all of us have had this experience, and it can be difficult and painful to navigate. When your partner denies ever having done what hurt you, it can feel like a brick wall goes up in the relationship, one with no way through. The wall prevents all growth and healing because, if what hurt you never happened, then the possibility of having your hurt feelings heard or acknowledged is off the table—moot. Empathy for something you “made up” is not an option.
