[Caution: Emotional full monte to follow. If you'd rather not go there, but would rather see funny cat pictures instead, I don’t blame you. That’s where I was in the not-too-distant past. However, if you’re open to playing with fire and letting it all hang out, then welcome.]
The funny thing about putting the things you write on the web is that people tend to think you know something – which leads to all sorts of confusion when they realize that you’re as flawed as any other person. After all, why would you want to listen to a mechanic who drives a car that backfires and blows black smoke and doesn’t start half the time?
There are a couple of reasons why you might read on: Perhaps you’re one of those people who slow down to get a closer look at train wrecks. Or maybe you can see the wisdom in learning from other people’s mistakes…
In a world full of contradictions, why should our personal growth be any different? Our greatest strengths are also our greatest weaknesses, and our greatest assets expose us to the greatest risks. But they don’t have to. And so I’m gonna let it all hang out here, and perhaps someone else can benefit from my mistakes.
I’m a man with fire in my belly. I’m a driven man, and an obsessive one. I’m a passionate man, and one with a deep-seated desire to turn that passion into deep and transformative change.
But I’m also a man with a deep anger that threatens to tear me apart. That same anger which drives me is also the same force which has left me hanging high and dry when it comes to the things that really matter.
I’ve let my anger lead me into temptation many a time, and while I may have learned some good (though hard) lessons because of it, I’ve also experienced a world of hurt because of it.
I’ve quit more things than I’ve completed. I’ve been arrested, had my ass kicked, flushed relationships down the toilet, and alienated friends and relatives because of it. I’ve wounded myself, both physically and mentally. I’ve been in serious debt, gone to detox, pissed away golden opportunities, and suffered through mental breakdowns.
I’ve held a gun to my own head, held my fist to another’s face, punched holes in walls and windows, and threatened the safety of innocent people. I’ve drunk myself into a pit of self pity, spent years in a pot-induced haze of happiness, swallowed ounces of boomers and sheets of acid trying to escape it, and chased other people’s dreams while sabotaging my own success. All because of the fierce intensity of my own anger. And that sucks. Here’s hoping you don’t have to let it go that far.
I’ve told myself that I’m not angry, I’m just grumpy. Bullshit. That grumpiness comes from anger. Even if you’re not outwardly furious, if you’re in a funk all the time, chances are you have anger issues.
[Caveat: Just because I can put the words to the (virtual) paper doesn’t mean that I’ve conquered my demons – consider the following to be lessons I’m still learning.]
Don’t Let Your Anger Kill You: The Angry Man’s Guide to Anger Management
Back off: Sometimes (OK, most of the time), we’re so wrapped up in our own pain that we can’t see beyond the nose on our face. So take a lesson from the parenting book and put ourselves on timeout. Back off from the situation. Take a deep breath (or ten), walk away, run away, drive away, whatever, but put some distance between you and what you perceive to be the cause of your anger. Once our heart rate returns to normal and the adrenalin has left our system, chances are we'll be ready to take a serious look at what’s behind our rage.
