I love my husband and my son. But I never expected that they would be practically my only companions for seven months in a row. Since COVID-19 hit, we’ve been cooped up at home together, barely going out of the house except for groceries and exercise. I’ve not hugged another person besides them; I’ve barely even seen other people, except for a few close friends.
Though I appreciate that I’m not living alone, as others are during this pandemic, I’m still getting tired of the claustrophobic feeling of only interacting with the same two people day after day. I miss freedom of movement and the people I’d bump into—the woman who manages my office building, the counter-person at my favorite lunch place, and even just smiling strangers I once passed on the street. It feels the loss—and research suggests that it really is, for many of us.
Those small, passing social interactions we have with acquaintances or strangers—what social scientists call “weak social ties”—do make a difference in our well-being. We get a little hit of happiness when we connect with those folks, and it helps us to feel part of our community. Over time, some weak ties can become stronger and we gain friends. When the pool of strangers who can become friends shrinks, we can experience a feeling of stagnation.
“We have a need to belong, and I think we get more of that than we realize from all the other people in our lives—the people we see when we’re out in the world,” says researcher Gillian Sandstrom.
The Role of Weak Ties in Our Lives
Researchers believe that weak ties serve many important functions. They stabilize our social networks, allowing us to be more resilient when our communities are stressed. They can expand our opportunities to find work, meet potential mates, attain difficult-to-find items, and more. They also help us to learn from people who have different viewpoints, at least if we can diversify the people with whom we connect.She found that those who’d had more weak-tie interactions, independent of interacting with people they knew well, tended to be happier and more satisfied with their lives. She also showed that people’s moods improved after interacting with a stranger, too, suggesting that extroverts aren’t the only ones who benefit.
“If you have more weak-tie interactions on a given day than you usually do (compared to your personal average), you tend to be happier on that day, and you also have a greater sense of connection and belonging,” says Sandstrom.
But in normal times, these concerns shouldn’t stop people from reaching out, she says.
How to Maintain Loose Ties During a Pandemic
Of course, now that COVID-19 has hit, we can’t just expect people to go out and interact with strangers in the same way. In fact, Greater Good created a video to encourage small talk with strangers as a happiness practice (below), but decided to hold off on releasing it as a standalone video until after it’s safer to take public transit and talk to random strangers.“It was a really lovely thing to be working on during COVID and facilitate some positive conversations between people,” she says.
But, if programs like these don’t interest you, there are other ways to augment weak ties. Sandstrom notes that neighborhood WhatsApp groups have been gaining in popularity, allowing people to check in with neighbors and share information or company. There are multiple gaming sites that allow people to play with people they don’t know. And there are always online workshops or classes that can provide some socialization between strangers. Many real-life communities, like parenting groups or choirs, moved to online meetups after COVID-19.
While interactions like these can help stave off loneliness, build social trust, and bring little doses of happiness, that doesn’t mean we can only connect with our weak ties online, says Sandstrom. Now that many of us have some more freedom of movement, we can connect with people we don’t know well while wearing masks and keeping a safe distance (at least six feet apart, according to most recommendations)—maybe sharing small talk in line at the grocery store or nodding as we pass people on the street. It just takes looking up from our devices—and then making an effort. Fortunately, she adds, it’s easier than ever to strike up conversations with strangers.
“We’re all going through something together, something we have in common,” she says. “With so much uncertainty around the pandemic, we all want to know how people are doing, how they’re coping, and if they have any good ideas around handling the challenges.”
Sandstrom also recommends practicing more gratitude as a way of building social capital. She recounts a story of her mother running out from her house, mask on, to thank her garbage collector for picking up the trash before he drove past. Showing appreciation for people in our community and not taking them for granted builds goodwill and a sense of benevolence, says Sandstrom, and we could all use more of that.
“Maybe this is an opportunity to think about how those people matter more and provide more meaning in our lives than we realized,” she says.