Do you spend time with family and friends this holiday season? Many of us do. If you’re like me, it may be the only time in the whole year when all of you spend time together. You probably hoped and planned, perhaps traveled, and certainly invested time in being together.
Were you looking for connection? Did you get it? If not, you may be tempted to shrug and shake it off, relieved to have made it through. You may lick your wounds and get back to life as usual, calling yourself naïve or worse to have wanted something more with your family.
And yet, there are ways of getting more of the connection you want. Even with your family. I invite you to try the tips below. They work with family, with friends, and with yourself. If you start practicing now, you'll be a pro by next holiday season.
7 Tips to Make Connection Easier
1. Set Boundaries.
Boundaries help create clarity and structure. They demarcate where one person or event starts and another stops. Boundaries are a wonderful key to healthy relationships but for many of us they are hard to set and maintain. Why? Usually it’s because we’re afraid of being excluded or afraid we’re going to hurt someone’s feelings.
Here’s a good example of where saying no was initially challenging and ultimately more satisfying than a begrudging yes.
Mother: The holiday party at your brother’s starts at 5. Who are you riding with?
Adult Son: I’m not going this year. I want to stay home and take some time to myself.
Mother: But everyone will be there. They’re all expecting you.
Son: Yes. And…?
Mother: Well, they'll all want to see you and wonder where you are.
Son: Yes. And…?
He answered her calmly and gently without justifying or defending his position past his initial explanation. To me he later said “I’ve come to realize that being social just because I’m expected to is a recipe for depression and anxiety for me. I’m only going if I genuinely want to. My mother is coming around to understanding that, too. She was pretty surprised at first.”
What boundary do you want to set? What might happen if you do?
