Think back to your life 10 years ago.
Are you mainly the same person you were back then—with similar strengths, weaknesses, tastes, preferences, and goals?
Since I’ve kept a journal on and off for the past decade, I have a unique lens through which I can see the ways in which I’ve changed, or haven’t changed, over time. The truth is that, in many ways, I am a very similar person to who I was then. I haven’t drastically altered my personality or my life’s priorities.
It’s easy to see how someone might believe that most aspects of who we are don’t change—at least not much. Maybe they’re set at birth or shaped through early childhood experiences, and then we carry on in that manner for the rest of our lives.
I’m sure there’s a degree of truth in that view, but I want to share my thoughts about a change I did see, and what I think it means.
Change Is Hard
It’s easy for me to say now that change is possible. I have a vivid personal example that stands out in my mind as evidence. However, before that, I wasn’t so sure.
I thought maybe I could play around with my self-control at the margins, but at the core, I simply was who I was. The fact that so few people evolve in a major way testifies to the difficulty of doing so.
- Our inherited personalities and early childhood experiences, both of which explain some of our baseline levels of self-control, have shaped us.
- Our current supply of motivation, which though malleable in the long run, limits us—it doesn’t help when the tank feels dry.
- We’re influenced by deeply entrenched habits and ways of being, which set the direction of our default tendencies.
Change Is Possible
If you’re expecting a quick and easy solution for creating self-change at this point, you’re reading the wrong article. I tried for years to improve my self-control before I started seeing progress, and years more before change really clicked.Along the way, there were many setbacks and stalls—each of which felt like failure. Yet somehow, 10 years later, when I lift my head and compare where I was to where I am, I can see how much progress I’ve made.
4 Tips for Cultivating Change
From the perspective of my own strategies and tactics, the tips I share below are those that helped me the most. The first one has, by far, been the biggest difference maker for me.1. Increase Your Effort
At one point in my life, I believed that better strategy made the most significant difference in outcomes. I would even tell my wife, “We need a plan that doesn’t involve simply trying harder.” Well, I’ve made a full 180 on that perspective.2. Monitor Yourself and Track Progress
Another breakthrough in my life came when I started tracking my progress visually. If I wanted to start doing something on a daily basis, such as writing, I would print off a tracker and hang it somewhere I couldn’t miss.3. Start Small and Build Momentum
I’ve had several phases of trying to change everything about myself at once. All of them ended badly. What ended up working was focusing on one small area for improvement and progressively strengthening my self-control muscles. As I made progress, my motivation grew, and I could build on the positive changes I was succeeding at.4. Find a Purpose That Sets the Wind at Your Back
Finally, another powerful lesson I’ve learned is to connect my desire for more self-control back to something—or someone—I care deeply about. At times, I simply wanted to change because I wanted to feel better about myself, or I wanted to feel successful. I’m not saying those ideals are intrinsically wrong, but they weren’t strong enough.When I began to see how a lack of self-control affected my wife and children, I started to get a whole lot more serious about my efforts. I highly recommend that you tap into what that purpose is in your life and allow it to inspire you toward lasting change.
