How to Communicate (Calmly) With a Defensive Partner

How to Communicate (Calmly) With a Defensive Partner
Share your experience of your partner’s defensiveness in a moment of closeness. Jacob Lund/Shutterstock
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Sarah, Jon’s girlfriend of three years, experiences Jon as “bafflingly defensive.” Jon responds that he has been called “defensive” by every woman he’s ever dated.

Not surprisingly, he denies his own defensiveness and blames his ex-girlfriends for being demanding, impossible to please, aggressive, and—his favorite criticism—controlling.

Nancy Colier
Nancy Colier
Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, thought leader, public speaker, and the author of "Can't Stop Thinking: How to Let Go of Anxiety and Free Yourself from Obsessive Rumination,” “The Power of Off,” and the recently released “The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why You’re Depleted and How to Get What You Need” (November, 2022.)
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