If you can’t control a difficult situation, how do you cope with it? Coping involves applying your mental and emotional energy to manage the strain associated with challenges.
- We self-motivate through thinking in an attempt to achieve our best performance.
- This thought creates the emotional energy we need to move ahead and stay the course.
- We take action in response to how we made ourselves feel and repeat steps 1 and 2 as necessary.
And that emotion needn’t be a potent passion. A calm and clear heart can be the most powerful starting point for any meaningful action.
Meaning-Focused Coping
This is the most reliable strategy. It’s based on the premise that thoughts, not circumstances, create emotions. Whatever happens to you is meaningless until you assign it meaning and react. Scientists (and ancient sages) believe you may never need the second or third strategies if you make the best use of your thoughts.- Recognize what’s most important and then assign a better meaning to the situation.
- Avoid being judgmental.
- Think in a non-negative manner (realistic + optimistic).
- Look for the agreeable middle ground between what is and what’s ideal.
Emotion-Focused Coping
People who rely on this strategy first typically have no knowledge of meaning-focused coping. It involves changing or ignoring how you feel when a difficult situation occurs. It’s like numbing yourself to the evolving world around you.When this strategy was popular, people wrongly assumed their unwanted emotions were caused by their circumstances.
This led to largely ineffective approaches, like denial (ignoring the situation or avoiding reality), procrastinating, distraction (TV, drugs, etc), and wishful thinking.
After coping in this manner, some slowly find the will to accept their situation and start dealing with it. But by the time this happens, the problem may have worsened. This is not the ideal way of coping, but it works temporarily when nothing else might.
Problem-Focused Coping
Similar to the previous strategy, this one is based on the false idea that your circumstances cause emotions. Coping involves taking action first to resolve the problem before an unwanted emotion occurs.- Plan how you will address the situation.
- Problem-solve to identify the best approach.
- Seek help from others who have experience in dealing with your situation.
- Assert your opinions about what you would rather see in this situation.
- Establish boundaries so the same situation does not occur again.
People who cope in this manner have good intentions and are more optimistic in their problem-solving abilities than they should be. So when things don’t go their way they become impatient and frustrated. We might cheer these people on for their enthusiasm in the face of adversities.
Hands down, the most efficient coping strategy is meaning-focused. Think first to energize your motivation to cope using the most helpful emotions. Not only does this improve how well you feel, but it also enhances your problem-solving abilities.
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