Working full-time as a nutrition and physique coach, I have pretty much heard all of the excuses for not being able to stick to a diet, make training sessions, or reach body and lifestyle goals.
With regard to food specifically, some of the most common and most difficult to work through are: “I just love food too much,” “I don’t think you understand—I have a massive sweet tooth,” or the best yet, “It’s my comfort food!”
Today, I would like to try and tackle the issue of out-of-control eating habits. Whether you call it binge eating or emotional eating, it’s where no matter how badly you want to stick to your diet and exercise plan, you just can’t seem to stay on track for long enough (or regularly enough) to get to your goal.
First and foremost, I am not a psychologist; nor do I claim to be any kind of emotional/transformational guru. I have, however, been an emotional eater, a binge eater, and am still a self-confessed foodie. Hopefully, some of you can relate to my experience, and the experience I have gained from working with hundreds of others, and pick up some of the lessons I learned along the way.
The number of times I’ve sat down for a consultation with people and they broke down in tears, pouring out truly heartfelt words about how important their weight-loss goals were to them, tells me that people don’t fail because they don’t want it enough. In fact, quite the opposite: Most people really want it, to the point that they obsess about it daily. Many constantly wish to be slimmer and look for the latest diet, diet food, diet pill, super food, low-calorie snack, or slimming clothing, all while constantly judging the next person on the street and comparing their own bodies to them.
I have no doubt whatsoever that you really want a body that you feel comfortable in.
Many of you may be doing more than just wishing and hoping for that day to come and actually practicing good health by exercising regularly and watching what you eat. The only problem is that no matter how motivated you are on Monday morning, come Friday (or often sooner) and you just can’t seem to stop yourself from eating that food you know you shouldn’t eat.
Whether it’s a work function, a social event, pressure from friends/partners/co-workers, or simply because it’s Friday and you feel like you deserve a nice meal and a drink, you succumb to your mind’s will. Fast-forward to Sunday night, however, and you haven’t eaten well all weekend, feel disgusted with yourself, and are now swearing that tomorrow it’s all going to stop!
It may be that in many other areas of your life you have amazing willpower, but when it comes to your diet, you just can’t seem to stay on track.
The best way I have heard this explained is the way it was explained to me: When you were a child and started crying, what did your mother give you? Her breast, right? When you got a little bit older and cried, you were given a bottle, and then a pacifier. And when you were old enough to throw a tantrum in the shopping center, ice cream was prescribed as a remedy.
Most of us can relate to this or at least have seen it. So, what is all of this teaching us? From the earliest age, we are taught that when we have a feeling, we get food.
Have you ever seen a baby sipping milk from a bottle? Picture it: The baby goes glug, glug, glug, and his or her eyes start to roll back. They relax, and it’s like, “Ah, all better now.” This is us being taught from birth that food fixes our feelings!
Now, this may not resonate for all of you, and that’s ok. But, consider this: At a birthday party, you get cake; if you get a good report card, the family goes for sizzlers; win a game of weekend sport, and you stop at McDonald’s on the way home; lose a game, and you still go to McDonald’s. Now, we might not be crying to get a food fix anymore, but in good times, bad times, any time, we’re still putting the pacifier (i.e., food) in our mouths.
Basically, from an extremely young age, we are taught not to feel our feelings, but instead to make everything better with food.
“But that’s not my problem!” you might say. “I only eat when I am bored or stressed at work.” Or, “I am good all week and then lose it all on the weekends.”
Now, I would like to suggest something crazy: None of us are overeating because we are hungry, and nobody anywhere is fat because they are hungry. What I am suggesting is that many (I would say more than 95 percent of the people I know) are emotionally eating in some way.
Emotional eating is a bit of a taboo subject and conjures images of someone locking themselves in the bathroom with a chocolate bar and crying after the bar is quickly ingested. And, yes, that would be considered emotional eating, but what I am getting at is a little more subtle and brings us back to the pacifier in the mouth.
My Binge-Eating Experience
In my case, I could be extremely strict and stick to my diet 100 percent all week long, but come Friday night and all bets were off. I’m talking about binging on anything and everything—from sweet to fried, baked, savory, and so on—until I felt sick and literally couldn’t move. This would leave me feeling guilty, gross, and with a strange sense of being powerless over my behavior.
I knew well that I was going to feel disgusting and regret it the next day, but still couldn’t help myself. I was stuck in a cycle of doing this regularly, with my frustration growing rapidly. Every time that feeling came up, I couldn’t help it—I just had to eat.
After quite a while, I realized that no matter how badly I wanted my goals, how focused/disciplined I could be, or how strong my intentions were, something had to give.
Why is it that we binge eat and can’t seem to stop while knowing full well that we will regret it afterward? It’s because we are ignoring our bodies’ needs (feelings) and instead trying to fix them with food.
So, I started to actually pay attention to my body and stopped listening to my head when it said: “You should totally go out for dinner. You deserve it—it’s been a big week. Go on! It will be amazing!”
What I found was quite remarkable. When I stopped and paid attention to my body, I realized that what was going on wasn’t hunger at all; in fact, it had nothing to do with food. I was simply feeling feelings.
Whether it be stress, anxiety, fear, anger, or fatigue after a big week at work, I started to notice that this impulsive desire to eat happened to come up whenever I felt uncomfortable. What I had perceived as hunger was actually my body telling me that I wasn’t giving it something it needed—for example, rest.
What I needed to do, rather than eat, was to begin to support my body to feel these feelings. Now, to some of you, this might be common sense. However, this was all new to me.
So, what I am suggesting here is this: Instead of listening to that voice in your head that says, “Quick, get some food now,” simply feel the feeling in your body. This is supporting your body and teaching it that it doesn’t need food to fix everything—because you are there to support it, which is all it wanted in the first place.
Identifying Triggers
In order to support your body, you need to work out the stressors or feelings that trigger you. You may not even know what these are, but my bet is that when they come up, the best solution your mind comes up with is to mindlessly go to the fridge, shop, drawer, or wherever else you get your comfort food fix.
A good way to do this is to keep a food and feelings diary, noting what you eat and how you feel at that time. Now, over a few days, this might not make much sense. But, keep at it for a month or so, and I guarantee that you will begin to see patterns and trends.
A good example is a client I worked with recently. Although she was losing weight, her results could have been better because, in her own words, she “couldn’t stop eating sugar—it’s out of control!”
She was certain that it was just because she had a sweet tooth, lacked willpower, and ate when she was bored. I got her to keep a food and feelings diary and within about 10 days of paying close attention to her body, she realized some really interesting things. Nine times out of 10 when she would eat something that wasn’t in her plan, it was because she was either feeling anxious about her work—constantly stressing that enough wasn’t being done and targets weren’t being met—or fretting when her partner wasn’t home or wouldn’t return a phone call/text message.
These were the surface-level signs. Once she looked more deeply, she discovered that there were deeper underlying issues at hand.
Supportive Activities
Once you identify when—and hopefully why—you are likely to binge eat, you can begin to support your body during those times. This may be different for everyone and will depend on the reason/feeling you are experiencing, but a good place to start is by acknowledging that you are actually having a feeling: “I know you’re stressed—you’ve had a big day—but you don’t actually want to eat.” Then, identify what you actually feel like doing. Some of the more common options may be things like:
• Have a rest/power nap
• Take a leisurely walk
• Sleep in
• Connect with a friend
• Have a massage/facial/haircut
• Exercise
• Meditate
• Read a book/watch a movie/listen to music
• Simply have some quiet time
It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it is something that you enjoy. Be sure that you are supporting, not forcing or shaming, your body into doing it. This last bit is important!
Perhaps write a list of five things that you can do, along with supportive affirmations you can use when you feel your triggers coming on. Remember, most of us learned the habit of eating when we feel something from way before we can even remember, so don’t expect it to change overnight.
Long-Term Change
In my case, it took around 12 months to get a real handle on my emotional eating and apply these ideas with real success. In my personal experience, this particular work has made the biggest difference to my life surrounding my food, diet, and satisfaction with my body. I no longer binge eat or eat uncontrollably. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever eat a bad thing (I certainly do!), but I no longer regret or feel guilty for anything I eat, and this has brought an amazing sense of freedom to my life.
Since sharing and applying these principles with clients willing to learn, I am now 100 percent certain that working with your body toward your goals and feeling your feelings is the only way to stop binge and emotional eating for good. Forcing, shaming, or ignoring your body’s needs is futile and only makes the problem worse.
Supporting your body makes it possible to eat clean and literally love it. With practice, this leads to the end of emotional eating and the beginning of living life totally free of all that food and body-related stress. When you eat right for your body because it is perfectly in line with your goals, this brings you great joy and almost effortless results.
Fusing the latest in sports, performance, and weight-loss nutrition with holistic wellness practices, while cultivating true emotional and lifestyle balance, Anthony and his team at PURE and LEAN Nutrition System transform the bodies, minds, and lives of everyday people all over the world. Learn more at www.facebook.com/pureandlean.
