“It’s just a number,” my 72-year-old friend says of his age. He and I graduated from college together approximately 600 moons ago.
But that number has ramifications. Hit the age of 55, and you’re entitled to the senior discount at McDonald’s. Search online for “At what age are people considered elderly?” and the overall consensus is 65 and older. Some of us may prefer old to elderly, as I do, and some may dislike all references to old age, but in this article, “old guys” refers mostly to those gentlemen in their mid-60s and higher up on the escalator of time.
Search again online, this time for “Tips for old guys,” and you find a bonanza of advice. Eat the right foods, get some exercise, and take care of your teeth are the more mechanistic recommendations. Others offer guidance on dress—don’t try to look young and hip is a common warning—and even on dating. My personal favorite was the 80-year-old who recommended singing in the shower.
These are fine, so far as they go, but a few more tips occurred to me, gleaned from a lifetime of conversations with older men and my own experiences as one of that crew.
Be Comfortable With Your Physical Self
After all, you’ve walked around in that contraption, i.e., your body, for decades. The machine is what it is. If you need some inspiration, look at the typical 2-year-old. He toddles around without a shirt, gut hanging over his underwear, blueberries smeared on his face, bits of candy plastered on his hair, and hands as sticky as a honeycomb. If that little guy can be comfortable in his body, so can you.Try Puttin’ on the Ritz in Public
Astound your friends and family by dressing up rather than down. Leave the sweats and shorts at home when you go to church. Put on a coat and tie for that birthday party or holiday meal. Carry a cane or an umbrella, which gives you gravitas and can also serve as a weapon if needed.
Act the Gentleman
If you wish to maintain a shred of dignity, treat all women with respect. No ogling a female young enough to be your granddaughter and no lewd remarks or crude jokes to the waitress. Treat women as if they were flowers in a public park: Enjoy their beauty as you pass by.Watch Less Television
Old people watch far more television than the aged 25-to-50 crew, and those daily hours spent as a couch potato are terrible for your health. In addition to that freight car of problems, TV is a terrible waste of life. So cut back on the tube time. Read a book. Take a walk. Call the grandkids. Join a club of some sort. Go sit in a café and watch the world go by. Get out and greet real life.Avoid Casual Discussions of Health
Old men often compare the state of their health with friends. One guy will talk about his arthritis while his friend complains about his blood pressure. That’s all right. But unless you’ve just learned that you have leprosy, when a less familiar acquaintance asks, “How are you?” we should have the good grace and courtesy to reply, “All’s well. How about you?” Yes, that response is perfunctory and even false at times, but no one really wants to hear about your bad back, your trick knee, or the number of times you answer the call of nature in the night.Be Wise: Economize
Here’s another case in which guarding your speech brings benefits. Some people associate wisdom with age. To be perceived as one of those mountaintop gurus is simple: Close the mouth and open the ears. Whether listening to your grown daughter rail about problems at work or your teenage grandson confessing his confusion and tribulations in the realm of romance, withhold that urge to fire off opinions.This can be difficult, for as many women would tell you, men make better problem solvers than listeners. If you must say something, interject an occasional “Oh, my gosh!” or “Really?” into the other’s monologue. Quite often, those visiting this confessional will talk themselves into their own solutions. The good news? They’ll give their wise old listener the credit.
Tell Stories
Sharing your past with children, grandchildren, and friends helps connect them to the past and thereby puts a part of you into their future, but try to avoid negative comparisons of the present with the “good old days.” My own good old days had many positives but also included racial segregation, polio, a cold war, hippie communes, Nehru jackets, and typewriters. (You can have my laptop when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!) After you’ve departed this earth, people will remember you through your stories. Use those tales of your younger years to inspire them.Don’t Leave a Mess
If you haven’t already done so, it’s time to put your house in order—sometimes literally. A 70-year-old man whose basement is stuffed with an enormous hoard of odds and ends once told me, “I keep meaning to throw away the junk, but I’ll probably just leave that job for my kids.” No, no, no. Get your affairs in order, everything from your will to those bundles and boxes in the garage. Do you really want to burden your children and grandchildren with that responsibility?Make Gratitude Your Guiding Light
When we grow old, time can sometimes seem like a thief. Beloved friends and family members die or move away; circumstances deplete our savings; our physical and mental powers wane. But life, even for the very old, always blesses us with unforeseen gifts. Old age affords us the time to slow down and appreciate those treasures, if we have the eyes to see them and the hearts to accept them.Don’t Fret About Your Tears
Some scientists say that men cry more in old age because of hormonal changes. Others contend that it’s because they care less about hiding their feelings. Both observations have some truth in them, but another reason why the antics of a grandchild or a sentimental scene in a movie can move us to tears is that we finally grasp the fragility, beauty, and mystery of life. When your eyes grow misty, don’t be ashamed. You earned those tears of joy and sorrow.Thoughts on Death
We’ve had our time to waltz, but with each passing year, we know the music will end sooner rather than later. Those who are bedridden or in great pain often welcome death, while others fear it like a plague. Whatever the case, if we haven’t given death some deep thought, it’s long past time for some extended meditation on the subject.At the end of Robert Ruark’s memoir about his beloved grandfather, “The Old Man and the Boy,” the Old Man explains that he’s dying: “You’ve had the best of me, and you’re on your own from now on. You’ll go to college next year, and you’ll be a man, with all a man’s problems, and there won’t be no Old Man around to steer you. I raised you as best I could and now you’re the Old Man, because I’m tired, and I think I’ll leave.”
Those are the words of a man who has given his best to his grandson and to his own life. If we can do the same, returning the love of those who loved and nourished us and tackling the challenges all men face in this world, we too may be blessed to say so natural a goodbye and lie easy in the good earth. In the words of Robert Louis Stevenson:
Home is the sailor, home from sea, And the hunter home from the hill.
