When people are in conflict with each other, they tend to see the conflict in terms of finding fault. They ask whose fault it is, and who is right and who is wrong. The answer is almost always, “It’s not me, it’s them!”
One powerful way to break out of conflicts with people, even long-term conflicts, is to start seeing their cyclical, mutually reinforcing patterns. In other words: It’s not you, it’s us! Let me give you an example of a typical but fictitious couple.
