Streets, parks, towns, and cities are named for her husband, but Martha Washington’s grace and tenacity are also worthy of remembrance.
Not much is known about the country’s first “first lady,” even from her own correspondence. She burned most of the letters between her and her husband, George, soon after he died. But the few remaining words he wrote to her, and the letters penned by other family members and friends, speak of Martha Dandridge Custis Washington as a devoted wife and mother, gracious hostess, and tireless manager of hearth and home.A Traditional Upbringing
The preparation for her historic role began as the first-born daughter of John and Frances Dandridge on June 2, 1731, on a plantation near Williamsburg, Virginia. While she was not educated in the manner that we are familiar with today, she did learn what was typical for a girl in an 18th-century family: social and domestic skills. She also enjoyed the pleasures of her time in learning about music, how to dance, and to embroider. And, unlike many young proper girls, she loved horses and riding—side saddle, of course.
Martha was a short, dark-haired woman of 18 when she married wealthy Virginia planter Daniel Parke Custis in May 1750. He was nearly 20 years her senior. Seven years later he died, possibly from scarlet fever or strep throat, leaving Martha with two small children, John Parke Custis and Martha Parke Custis. The widow had endured the loss of two other children from illnesses, and she now found herself tapping into a strength that 26-year-old George Washington found appealing. George and Martha were married a year after Daniel’s death and moved with her two children into Mount Vernon, a property that had been in the Washington family since 1674, when George Washington’s great-grandfather, John Washington, was awarded a 5,000-acre land grant.
Her husband’s demanding and dangerous role as commander-in-chief in the War for Independence (from the summer of 1775 to December 1783) may have solidified her fortitude and resolve in a way that would serve her well as the country’s first lady. She visited her husband several times wherever he was encamped; while with George, she spent her time copying his letters, knitting for soldiers, and visiting the injured and dying. She even worked with a group of women to raise funds to purchase soldiers’ shirts and other needed military supplies.
George’s love and appreciation for his wife was expressed in many letters, including one early on in the war, in which he stated, “I retain an unalterable affection for you, which neither time or distance can change.”
The Lonely First Lady
Martha expressed fears and fallibility to others, if not to George. She did not want to leave her home at Mount Vernon when her husband was elected unanimously to the position of president of the new United States of America. In a surviving letter to a nephew, she wrote: “I am truly sorry to tell that the General [George] is gone to New York [site of the first capital] … when, or wheather he will ever come home again god only knows. I think it was much too late for him to go into publick life again, but it was not to be avoided.”
Later, in a letter to a niece, Martha described her feelings about her role as first lady. Of her time in New York, she wrote: “I think I am more like a state prisoner than anything else, there is certain bounds set for me which I must not depart from.” She added that she would “much rather be at home.” But she also wrote to a friend, Mercy Otis Warren, “I am still determined to be cheerful and to be happy, in whatever situation I may be.”
A Cordial Hostess
Martha Washington became friends with Abigail Adams, wife of Vice President John Adams, and together they planned and carried out dinners and events for visiting foreign leaders. But early on, she desired that the capital be a place for more than America’s elites and foreign dignitaries. Following the concept of “levees,” which is what formal morning receptions in Europe were called, she established informal American levees, and each Friday she opened up their home on Cherry Street to welcome soldiers, veterans, and common citizens. “Lady Washington,” as she was referred to during George’s presidency, was said to have received many compliments not only for the soirees she organized but also for her “unassuming manner” and “unaffected personality.”
on Canvas. Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. (DigitalVision Vectors/Getty Images)
In her 1995 book “First Ladies,” Margaret Truman Daniel, daughter of 33rd President Harry Truman, wrote, “The first First Lady thus became a major player in bridging the murky gap between presidential dignity and democratic accessibility—a role other First Ladies have continued with varying degrees of success to this day.”
It was not until 1797 that George’s presidency ended, and he and Martha were able to return to Mount Vernon. For the next two years, their home was filled with almost endless entertaining of those who wanted to meet the first president, as well as visits from Martha’s children and grandchildren.
Although Martha reportedly told friends that she was “ready to join him” when George died in 1799, she lived another three years to age 70. At the time of her death due to a prolonged illness, she was surrounded by her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and contemporary newspapers nationwide eulogized her as “the worthy partner of the worthiest of men.”
