Relationships are often interpreted as the outcome of an exchange of goods and services. Common knowledge says that the sexes want different things from a partner.
These preferences are often reduced to shallow, one-dimensional demands – beauty for men and resources for women. “Opposites attract,” they say. No one asks, “Why did that beautiful, young woman marry that old, old man?” because they already know the answer. He had something she wanted and she had something he wanted.
This exchange view of relationships is constantly reinforced – from Shakespearean sonnets and modern romantic comedies to a mother’s advice – and the conclusion seems self-evident. Men and women are two sides of a coin, the yin to the other’s yang. And all any of us are doing is attempting to get the most out of a partner for what we’re offering on the mating market.
The only problem is it’s wrong, according to the latest research.
Why We Think Opposites Attract
The prevalent view that opposites attract and it’s all about an exchange is in line with decades of research in the mate choice literature. The argument, rooted in basic sex differences, is that males and females engage in fundamentally different strategies to ensure their ability to survive and reproduce. Because males invest less than females do in reproduction, they benefit more from taking multiple partners than do females.
Thus, males assess indicators of a partner’s reproductive ability. This assessment is particularly acute for our species because women’s window of fertility is quite short relative to a man’s. So men place a greater importance on the physical attractiveness of a potential partner because it serves as an indicator of fertility.
