Family & Education

Father’s Day Funnies

BY Barbara Danza TIMEJune 17, 2018 PRINT

It’s that time of year again when we celebrate Dad!

If there’s one truth about fatherhood, it’s that you’ve just got to laugh at it sometimes. Here are some of the funniest comedians’ takes on being a dad to give you a chuckle.

Happy Father’s Day!

“Having children is like living in a frat house—nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
—Ray Romano

“The bedtime routine for my kids is like this Royal Coronation Jubilee Centennial of rinsing and plaque and dental appliances and the stuffed animal semi-circle of emotional support. And I’ve gotta read eight different moron books. You know what my bedtime story was when I was a kid? Darkness!”
—Jerry Seinfeld

“Raising kids may be a thankless job with ridiculous hours, but at least the pay sucks.”
—Jim Gaffigan

“How come my 3-year-old son knows every species and genus of dinosaur and I can’t even remember my home phone number?”
—Taye Diggs

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
—Mark Twain

“If you ever want to torture my dad, tie him up and right in front of him, refold a map incorrectly.”
—Cathy Ladman

“I sometimes equate it to what it must be like running a prison. What happens with three boys is you end up barking out orders like, ‘Upstairs now!’ ‘Brush teeth!’ ‘Lights out!’. There is so much chaos you can’t really take the time to articulate.”
—Will Ferrell

“People think they can talk to you about poop.” ‘Oh, you have a new baby? Is she sleeping? Is she pooping?’ Normally I’d be blushing, but as a parent you just get used to it, and pooping is just another verb in your vocabulary.”
—Jimmy Fallon

“I remember when I was young, I was watching TV, and my father came into the room, agitated, and told me to start a business. I was eight years old.”
—Sebastian Maniscalco

Barbara Danza is a mom of two, an MBA, a beach lover, and a kid at heart. Here, diving into the challenges and opportunities of parenting in the modern age. Particularly interested in the many educational options available to families today, the renewed appreciation of simplicity in kids’ lives, the benefits of family travel, and the importance of family life in today’s society.
You May Also Like