My parents are nearing their 50th wedding anniversary, and amazingly, many gifts they received have also weathered the years. My mom still mentions, “This pie plate was from Uncle Bob and Aunt Marj,” or, “These mixing bowls were from Dad’s neighbor.”
Her fond recollection of these presents shows just how special a wedding gift can be. But in these times of changing norms, the etiquette of wedding gift-giving can be confusing. Etiquette instructor Bethany Friske provides several tips to consider when you’re “going to the chapel” as a wedding guest.
Wedding Time Dollar Signs
The wedding’s location—both in terms of how far a guest has to travel and the socioeconomic differences across different parts of the country—as well as the guest’s relationship to the couple all play into the appropriate amount to be spent on a wedding gift, Friske says. A normal amount is $50 to $150, and close friends or relatives should consider giving on the higher end of that range. But a guest’s personal budget also plays a big role. It’s more important to “give what we can afford,” rather than trying to impress and then breaking the bank, Friske explains.
Gifting Your Time and Effort Counts, Too
Friske encourages guests to include the costs they incur attending wedding events as part of the aforementioned wedding gift dollar range. If you travel to a destination wedding, “your gift is your attendance,” Friske says. Likewise, those who host showers or are part of the bride or groom’s wedding party may also reduce the amount they give based on those expenses. Bringing a congratulatory card to the wedding mentioning that these actions were your gift to the couple is a clarifying touch, Friske says.
Communicating Through Cards
Thanks to online gift registries, many wedding gifts are shipped from the store. “You should send a separate card [listing] the specific items that are being sent” to the couple, Friske advises, noting that not all companies denote the giver in the packaging, leaving couples clueless about whom to thank. Cards are also an important avenue for other details, such as the dollar amount when the gift is cash or the gift receipt for a physical gift.
Registry Not Required
It’s helpful, but not necessary, to stick to a couple’s gift registry, Friske says. However, those who deviate from it should “be tasteful,” considering the couple’s style preferences when doing so. She also encourages creativity, such as gifting practical items like “cleaning supplies in a bucket,” or “a step ladder with a box of picture-hanging nails and a tape measure.” And cash is never crass, she reminds us, and is much appreciated by young couples.
Gifting Gratitude
Lastly, the married couple should give an important gift—by expressing thanks. The current trend of people failing to send thank-you notes “is not okay,” Friske says, for it discourages the giver from giving, while also unintentionally creating a negative impression of the gift recipient. If givers don’t receive a thank-you note, Friske encourages them to courteously follow up with the couple via text or phone to confirm they received the gift and ensure their card was not separated from the gift.
