We’ve all experienced situations where others crossed the line and challenged our personal boundaries, intentionally or not. Depending on our personalities, it can be easy to respond with either an angry outburst or a plastered smile. But neither response resolves the real issue.
“The sooner that we can communicate and manage expectations, the better it will be for everyone,” says etiquette instructor Bethany Friske. She offered some gracious solutions for a variety of uncomfortable situations.
Fending Off Family Feuds
Many today are too quick to cut off their families, Friske notes, particularly after marriage introduces complicated in-law dynamics. Communication—with a husband and wife each speaking to his or her respective parents about difficult matters—and an understanding that different upbringings are in play, will prevent flared tempers. Regarding differences in child-rearing, Friske suggests using gentle redirects, such as, “We don’t use that word. Would you mind using this word instead?”
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Turning Down a Friend
Ever have a friend continually ask a favor or press you to attend an event, even when you’re already stretched thin? Don’t feel guilty about saying no. Be honest about your situation, Friske says, using phrases like, “My schedule is booked right now, but please keep me in mind for next time,” or “I would have loved to, but with everything on my plate, I just need to have one night at home without having to go anywhere.”So Much Work, So Little Time
Saying no to a boss is extremely hard, but overworked employees must communicate when their plates are too full. Friske suggests thanking a boss for thinking of you for a project, but then offering alternatives: “Would it be possible for me to do this next week?” or “I think it’s possible to get to it after I finish my current project.” Follow your email with a phone call, because voice inflection often diffuses tense situations.Gracious Guidelines for Guests
By proactively taking action to make house rules obvious, you'll avoid guests overstepping boundaries and help create an inviting atmosphere. Hananeko_Studio/Shutterstock
Hosting can invite awkward moments when guests unintentionally overstep boundaries. Friske suggests placing small signs around the house: “Thank you for removing your shoes” by the front door, or a friendly sign in the bathroom explaining where to place wet towels and find toilet paper. She also advises placing breakfast utensils and food items in the open, so guests don’t have to rummage through your cupboards.
Maneuvering Overbooked Obligations
There inevitably comes a time when we’re overbooked and must back out of an obligation. You don’t have to apologize repeatedly, Friske reassures us. Instead, give a straightforward explanation such as, “I’m so sorry for any inconvenience, but I have a conflict—I have a funeral that I would really value attending.” Openly communicating is key, she explains, noting, “People do want to accommodate. Nobody wants somebody else to be stressed.”This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
