New Year’s Resolutions in the Service of Others

Children are sure to remember small family customs for years to come. (Biba Kayewich)

Did you make and keep a 2022 New Year’s resolution?

If so, congratulations. You’re part of a select group. At least according to one study, only 9 percent of Americans who commit themselves to change in the New Year actually finish this marathon. In fact, by the end of January, up to 43 percent of us—I am usually in this company—have already abandoned our quest to lose weight, get into better shape, or save money.

Observers have pointed to several reasons for these defeats. Those making resolutions often set goals that are too vague—“I’m going to get into shape” versus “I’m going to the gym Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings.” Some have unreasonable expectations, overlooking obstacles in the path, and most have no real system of accountability, whether it’s reporting progress to a friend on a regular basis or keeping a notebook detailing victories and defeats.

All are valid reasons for failure, but what if another factor is in play? What if the fault lies not so much in ourselves, but in our resolutions?

Self-Interest Versus Service

In Bill Watterson’s “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip, the precocious 6-year-old Calvin and his imaginary tiger friend Hobbes discuss New Year’s resolutions several times. On one such occasion, we listen in on this dialogue as they walk in the snow:

Hobbes: Did you make any resolutions for the New Year?

Calvin: Heck no. I’m fine just the way I am! Why should I change? In fact, I think it’s high time the world started changing to suit me! I don’t see why I should do all the changing around here! If the New Year requires resolutions, I say it’s up to everyone else, not me! I don’t need to improve! Everyone else does! (Calvin then looks at Hobbes): How about you? Did you make any resolutions?

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Hobbes: Well, I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already.

We smile at Hobbes’s response and Calvin’s egomania, but the truth is most of us agree with him. Whatever our politics or religion, we look askance at our culture and are of the opinion the world would be a better place if everyone believed more as we do. That idea manifests itself daily in our news, opinion pieces, and our conversations with friends and family.

Meanwhile, we have the uneasy feeling that our country has gone far off-track. We sense that we’ve somehow lost our connections with one other, an apprehension confirmed by the epidemic of loneliness in our country. Add to that a 2020 study showing that 71 percent of Americans agree with the statement “I’m very troubled by the moral state of our country,” and we’ve got some big-picture troubles.

So, a question: What if, this year, we focused at least one of our resolutions on the restoration of community and virtue in our culture? We could still aim other resolutions at self-improvement, but think what we might accomplish if we turned the spotlight away from ourselves and let it shine on others in our own little corner of the world.

Here are nine resolutions that might work. I’m confident readers can think of many more themselves.

Children are sure to remember small family customs for years to come. (Biba Kayewich)

Home and Family

A good home is a tiny citadel of civilization, and every man, woman, and child who lives under that roof is a citizen in a republic founded on love and virtue. By selecting one or more of these resolutions, we can strengthen this building block of culture and community.

1. We might resolve as a family to devote two hours weekly to the upkeep and beautification of our domain, from washing windows to putting in a flower bed by the front walkway. Polish up the premises, and we polish up ourselves.
2. If we’re married, we might take this year to bring new life to that relationship. Fix one day a week for a date night. Take another day of the weekly calendar to bring your spouse some special treat or to leave them a love note on the pillow. A few weeks practicing these moments might just develop into a precious lifetime habit.
3. If we have children, set aside one evening a month to take them out individually to supper. It doesn’t have to cost you a fortune; the idea is to spend time alone together. And like many of the suggestions here, you don’t have to fret about accountability for your resolution. That son or daughter will jog your memory.
4. Make one meal a week a family tradition. One family I know has “Taco Thursdays.” Another shares a pancake breakfast before heading out the door to church on Sundays. These little customs are ties of affection the kids will remember and may even carry on when they become moms and dads.

Friends and Extended Family

Building back culture means building back community. Resolve to put into practice one of these resolutions, and you’ll be paving the road to that destination.

5. Set aside half an hour weekly on an evening of your choice as “letter-writing time.” Write out by hand—or if your script is a scrawl, type—a letter to someone important in your life: a parent, a grown child, an old friend. Slap a stamp on it, post it, and you’ve given someone a rare gift. Better yet, make this a family resolution, with everyone writing a letter to someone. Establish that practice as habit and, once again, accountability won’t be a problem.
6. If, for whatever reason, handwritten letters lack appeal, summon the troops one at a time to the keyboard and compose a long email to Grandma or to Uncle Bill, with everyone contributing a paragraph or two of their own. The younger ones can dictate their thoughts. Hit send, and again you’ve struck a tiny blow for culture, connection, and civility.
7. Set up a special time each week for a phone chat with someone in your life who matters. My brother-in-law did this every Sunday for years with his widowed father. In my case, my friend Anne and I started this practice in 2018, leading to discussions of writing, literature, and books read. Her gently delivered thoughts on politics have in particular softened some of my harsh judgments of others.

Further Afield

Your town or neighborhood offers rich opportunities for building community and virtue through a New Year’s promise.

8. Find a cause or an outfit you can believe in: an animal shelter, a pregnancy center, a mission for the homeless. Support these worthy endeavors with your time as a volunteer or by pledging monthly donations, however small the amount. If you keep it local, your gifts of money remain in the community and won’t be paying for some outlandish administrative machine.
9. Now comes the goofiest of all these possibilities: Designate a day, whether weekly or monthly, on which, no matter how you feel, you make it your job to spread some good cheer to those around you. For that one day, bring some hope and optimism, at least in the form of a smile, to your home, your workplace, and casual encounters. Here you might team up with a partner who agrees to do the same. Not only will this provide you with some accountability, but also, at the end of the day, you’ll surely be able to exchange some amusing stories.

Try one or more of these resolutions, or something similar of your own making, and you may find, as I once did, that such a promise becomes much more easily and enjoyably attainable than one focused solely on yourself. In addition, staying on task with this resolution may make it easier for you to keep one that’s more personal. In “To Be Happier, Should You Focus on Yourself or Others?” Elizabeth Hopper, who has a doctorate in psychology, presents new research that suggests that a combination of self-care, such as a resolution, and helping others leads to happiness and well-being.

So, this year, consider a mix of two or more resolutions. Pursue that goal of self-improvement—dropping some weight or saving money—but at the same time resolve to do something, however small, to upgrade our culture.

Best of luck to you, and Happy New Year to all!