Jump Starts: 5 Practical Ways to Help Teens Become Adults

Author Bethany Mandel shares tips for preparing teens to enter the real world

Cooking and being able to conduct oneself well during mealtimes are fundamentals that every teenager should learn. (Biba Kayewich)

In the book “Stolen Youth: How Radicals Are Erasing Innocence and Indoctrinating a Generation,” co-author Bethany Mandel recounts her time spent bedside in a hospital with her dying mother. At one point, when her mother has only hours left to live, half a dozen doctors and medical students inappropriately show up to examine the device regulating her mother’s spinal cord fluid. Forced to take charge, Ms. Mandel orders them out of the room. Later, when her mom is gasping for her last breaths, she commands her grandmother to quit screaming or go away. She wants her mom to die in peace.

Ms. Mandel was 16 years old at the time.

She then tells us that her chronically ill mother had modeled and taught this assertiveness and other adult skills to her, perhaps in anticipation of her death, and now Ms. Mandel is passing along these same lessons to her own children. “While still in middle and high school,” Ms. Mandel writes, “I was getting a crash course in what is now facetiously referred to as ‘adulting.’” That crash course included lessons in doing the laundry, preparing meals, cleaning the house, paying bills, and even picking her way through the bureaucracy of the health care system.

This skill set, gifted to her by her mother, helped Ms. Mandel walk the hard path that lay ahead, a path that can be rocky for a lot of teens headed into the world on their own for the first time. By employing common sense and following the example of Ms. Mandel’s mother, parents can help their children on this journey by removing some of those stones.

Home Economics 101

Cooking and being able to conduct oneself well during mealtimes are fundamentals that every teenager should learn. (Biba Kayewich)

Every teenager should know the basics of cooking a meal, doing a load of laundry, and keeping a house, apartment, or even a dorm room tidy and clean. Many young people, some from an early age, pick up all three of these skills simply by helping Mom or Dad around the house.

Cooking is probably the trickiest skill to impart, especially for parents working full time who have little time to spend in the kitchen. If you’re in this boat, search online for “teenagers cooking a meal,” and you’ll find loads of recipes that teens can make by themselves. It’s a win-win for all, as they pick up some stovetop prowess while you receive the gift of a meal.

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Oh, and don’t forget the car. New drivers should know how to check the oil, inflate or change a tire, and keep an eye on the gas gauge.

Bargain Hunters

Teaching teens to pay attention to sales, particularly at the grocery store, will save them thousands of dollars over a lifetime. Once Mary or John earns that driver’s license, send them off to the store to do the weekly grocery shopping, reminding them to check out the prices of the items that they buy. Not only will this save you valuable time, but it will also accustom your teens to comparison shopping.

Mealtime Manners

Look online for “importance of table manners and etiquette,” and a slew of sites pop up, all of them explaining that how we dine affects those around us in both our personal and professional interactions. As one post advises, “Every business meal is an interview, so table manners are essential to your success.” As you scroll through these sites, note that a good number of them are connected to universities, evidence that many young people need some instruction in mealtime etiquette.

The young person, or anyone else for that matter, who talks with his mouth full, wolfs down his food, and picks up stray bits of chicken and peas with his fingers while on a date or during a business lunch won’t only end up with an empty plate, but with egg all over his face.

It’s time to call on a modified version of Miss Manners. If your teen might take instruction better from a third party, go back to that keyboard, type “videos showing the importance of table manners,” and you’re in business.

Making the Call

Many young people, and adults as well, spend hours a day on their phones, texting or on social media, but they’re anxious or even terrified when making a real phone call to anyone other than a friend or relative.

Her mother’s illness forced Ms. Mandel to speak on the phone with bureaucrats and business owners while still in her mid-teens. We can train our kids to do the same. Does Michael have questions about his financial aid packet? Have him make the call to the college. Is Natalie looking for a summer job as a camp counselor? Have her call and request the application.

These little things build the self-reliance that marks an adult.

Finance and Finesse

Should 18-year-olds have a bank account and debit and credit cards? Should they practice budgeting expenditures and earnings? Should they understand that taking out a loan on a college education or a car means repaying that money? Should they consider setting aside a percentage of their income, when possible, for that unexpected rainy day that always arrives at the worst possible time?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding, “yes.”

But while a vast majority of teens are aware that financial success derives from knowing the rules of the money game, all too often they don’t know how to play. That debit card makes for quick and easy purchases online—punch a few keys, and those goods are on the way—but they sometimes forget, as do many adults, that they’ve just spent $100. They sign off on a college loan for thousands of dollars, not realizing that they’re gambling future earnings against present expenditures.

Once again, numerous online sites offer help and training. Ramsey Solutions, for example, features the article “How to Teach Teenagers About Money.“ A key point here is that ”more is caught than taught,” meaning that teens will learn about personal finance by working with their parents on budgeting, spending, investing, and taking out loans.

One part of this Ramsey Solutions article is “Things Teens Waste Money On,” which lists such expenditures as fast foods, spring breaks, trendy clothes, and the latest smartphones. Sharing this article with the teen in your life will make them more aware of how they spend their money.

Raising Up Adults

In the Ramsey Solutions article, we also find this advice: “Think of your teen as an adult in training. It’s your job (as the adult of the house) to teach your teen what they need to know for that moment you send them off to college, trade school, or even their own apartment.”

Looking back at her own teen years, Ms. Mandel echoes these sentiments, “I was put in charge of all these tasks in our family in part to help my disabled mother with household management but also so that I could gain experience while still wearing the ‘training wheels’ of having my mother present to troubleshoot or answer questions.”

Some of the things that we teach our teens, such as cooking up a supper for four, are trifles. Others, such as opening a college savings fund with summer earnings, have greater ramifications.

But all of these lessons, large or small, will last a lifetime.