Twenty-three years ago, a young couple grounded in faith chose natural family planning over contraception, welcoming nine sons and one daughter—and a huge, happy household where God and virtue are honored.
Ryan Topping, 46, and his wife, Anna Topping, 45, live in Edmonton, Canada, with their 10 children—their “10 little universes in the house.”
“Living in such a community, where most people were genuinely striving to grow in virtue, gave us plenty of time to get to know each other in the context of other friendships,” Mr. Topping told The Epoch Times.
Mr. Topping said: “We were married at 22. We began our marriage, as I think all of our friends did, by using artificial contraceptives. I stumbled across an argument against contraception, oddly enough, in a philosophy class on St. Augustine—the towering fourth-century philosopher and theologian. The argument went something like this: Nature gives us clues for how to live well; if that is so, we should pay attention to the goodness of the body and its powers; technology is helpful, but when it starts getting used to exalt our freedom to war against our biological nature, against our natural faculties, something is amiss.
“People these days are all excited about being ‘trans’ everything, including being transhumanists: how about getting excited about being human first!”
A Growing Family
It was clear to the Toppings that having, raising, and educating children was “the noblest task that a husband and wife can share,” and after meeting several Catholic couples who were using natural family planning (NFP), or periodic abstinence, to plan their families, they knew this route was right for them.“We realized that couples who use NFP rarely divorce. This caught my attention,” Mr. Topping said. “In my family of origin, there was divorce; this was something I did not want to repeat. We also started getting to know more larger families. Their happiness and their closeness was infectious.”
Five years after marriage, the Toppings welcomed their first son, Peter, now 17, who is currently studying at a local seminary to become a Catholic priest. Next came four more boys—Joseph, 16, Thomas, 14, Francis, 13, and Dominic, 12—all enrolled today at a small classical academy.
Gregory, 10, John Paul, 9, and the couple’s only daughter, Catherine, 6, are homeschooled. The youngest children are Ambrose, 4, and Philip, 2. Mrs. Topping has also suffered four miscarriages.
Coping With Criticism
Yet, others have not always been so supportive of the Toppings’ choice to have a large family.“When we first started having children, and we had three little boys, people in stores would often ask, ‘Are you still trying for a girl, or are you done?’ A few made slightly snide comments about us being ’very busy,‘” Mr. Topping said. “I recall one fellow asked my wife if these were all her children, then said, ’But you look so intelligent,‘ to which my wife answered, ’That’s because intelligent people have kids.' I wasn’t present for that grocery store trip, but I was proud of her response!”
The Toppings claim there are numerous benefits to having a large family: you are never lonely; you will never be allowed to think you are the center of the universe but will always have a “built-in cheering team” behind you; nobody wastes clothing, toys, food, gas, or bath water since everything is shared; everyone learns to work hard.
On a spiritual level, Mr. Topping said, “there are plenty of opportunities to put others before yourself.”
When facing difficulties, the Toppings remind themselves that “God gives us difficulties so that we might grow more virtuous through them.” Their biggest challenge with 10 children is knowing how best to distribute their time since their kids’ needs are all so different.
‘No Kids, No Future’
Mr. Topping, who has penned books like “Christmas Around the Fire: Stories, Essays and Poems for the Season of Christ’s Birth“ and ”The Elements of Rhetoric—How to Write and Speak Clearly and Persuasively,” says they also have several home habits to help raise their large family in a conscientious way.“We don’t allow screens,” Mr. Topping said. “Over breakfast, we read aloud a short life of a saint; the kids learn classical music, and we sing folk songs and some poetry together; everyone does a lot of chores; and school and sports are important but not all-important.
In addition, Mrs. Topping takes one day per month away from home “to recoup,” Mr. Topping takes a yearly retreat, and the parents say daily morning prayers and a rosary together to stay spiritually connected. Any chaos in their bustling, busy home is far outweighed by joy and the fascination of raising a family.
“We love having boys. They may be loud, untidy, and always wrestling, but no one keeps a grudge,” Mr. Topping said. “That being said, we can’t believe how good God was to us to give us one daughter in the mix. We are constantly surprised at how she naturally differs from the boys. Too often the sexes are pitted against each other; why not celebrate the way we have been made to complement one another?
“When our daughter was born, we discovered how strong a young boy’s need to protect really is. Before Catherine was even 6 months old, they were already discussing what they would do if some boy ever tried to hurt her! Presumably, someday she will be looking to court a young man: whatever else he is, I hope he’s tough.”
Their large family still tends to elicit either shock or positivity from strangers, said Mr. Topping, who says that since there is “too much sadness in the world right now,” such as technology addiction and political conflict, family is more important than ever.
Mr. Topping is a professor of theology and serves as director of the Benedict XVI Institute at Newman Theological College, Edmonton, Canada. He has published 10 books, including “The Elements of Rhetoric“ (2016) and ”Christmas Around the Fire: Stories, Essays and Poems for the Season of Christ’s Birth“ (2019). More about Mr. Topping can be found here.
Arsh Sarao contributed to this report.
