A first-time author writing under the pseudonym “Finnius J. Uber” has compiled anecdotes from his decade behind the rideshare wheel into an invigorating book, “Confessions of an Uber Driver,” that is (pardon the pun) a wild ride.
In view of the weird experiences he endured, the fact that he retained his sanity and sense of humor is a happy miracle.
Some Suspicious Missions
The most mysterious passengers came into the author’s automobile while he was working in Chicago.There was a regular customer he referred to as Madame X, a self-confident woman in her late forties. She called on the author nearly every night on an odyssey that took her to multiple stops around the city. Madame X would leave the vehicle, disappear into her destination for a few minutes, then return and direct the author to the next location. She conducted herself with calm authority and concluded the evening with very generous compensation.
Madame X came to trust the author, to his nervous chagrin. On one night, she told him to knock on the door if she was not back in half an hour. When the author finally inquired about her line of work, she calmly replied, “I manage people.” No further questions were asked of her, and she never volunteered information.
Another Chicago denizen offering a similar modus operandi is dubbed “The Chicago Kingpin.” A dapper gent in a tailored suit and stylish fedora, he toted a heavy black leather briefcase. This could be described as the kind that “carries weight” instead of documents.
The gentleman was driven to multiple restaurants, small storefronts, and rental housing, where the author witnessed him collecting large amounts of cash.
Some Oddball Excursions
The author had a talent for getting into situations that tested his focus. One night, a quarrelsome couple had the author as the audience to their Edward Albee-worthy marital strife.However, near the end of their trip, they rolled down the back seat windows and yelled out into the night for someone named Sheba. After 10 minutes of calling, Sheba appeared, a raucous dog that jumped through the driver’s open window and landed on his lap.
Elsewhere in his work, the author picked up a woman from a psychiatric hospital in New Jersey. As the trip progressed, it became obvious that the woman had multiple personalities. The author counted eight distinct voices from his passenger, with this unlikely octet engaging in loud verbal fights with each other.
Each location where the author drove came with charms and headaches. He appreciates the volume of business in Phoenix, noting that the surplus of tourists, conference attendees, and Arizona State University students could keep a driver busy all day.
He complains how New York City’s traffic “tests you immediately,” while Orlando, Florida, has roads that were “designed by someone who hates drivers.”
The author also recalls more than his fair share of encounters with law enforcement. On a few occasions, he was subpoenaed to appear as a trial witness in cases involving his passengers. In one incident, he found himself dragooned by federal agents; they were involved in a scheme designed to thwart dubious characters who were following a man in the witness protection program. That incident earned him $2,000 in cash from the feds.
Another time, his car’s battery died outside of an Olive Garden in Charlotte, North Carolina. A restaurant patron offered to drive him to an auto supply store for a replacement. During the trip, his Good Samaritan was pulled over and arrested by cops. The author was interrogated but released and driven back by the cops to the eatery. He learned the next day he was being chauffeured by a man wanted for a double murder in Florida.
“Confessions of an Uber Driver” is written in a highly stylized, staccato, manner with a wealth of single-sentence paragraphs, some consisting of only one, two, or three words. The author takes on the narrative voice of a world-weary observer of the human comedy, using a cynical sarcasm one associates with tough-guy private eyes in old pulp novels.
The book is so atmospheric in its descriptions and indefatigable in its portrayal of characters that it feels like a noir thriller come to life on American roads.
Let’s hope this is not a one-shot novelty by the pseudonymous writer, because “Confessions of an Uber Drive” is a true under-the-radar treasure.
