Part parody, part mash-up, but not enough of either, the new broad comedy “Bride Hard” succeeds as much as it fails. The problem is not a fault of execution in directing and acting, but rather poor planning in screenwriting.
Director Simon West will never be mistaken for Spielberg or Scorsese. He’s made only one half-decent movie in his lifetime, “Con Air.” He can only do so much with what he’s been given. His biggest fault is in not picking good source material.
Some Parody History
Parody in the movies is as old as the medium itself. “The Little Train Robbery” from 1905 was a snarky riff on “The Great Train Robbery” released two years earlier. Most, if not all, movies by Mel Brooks and Christopher Guest are parodies. In the 21st century alone, there have been over 130 feature parodies, an average of 5 per year.
Based on the title alone, “Bride Hard” should have been a slam dunk. “Die Hard” meets “Bridesmaids.” Boom. Take five women from wildly different backgrounds and make one of them a secret law enforcement officer. She would be Sam (Rebel Wilson), the childhood friend of, and maid of honor for, bride-to-be Betsy (Anna Camp).
Gorgeous Savannah
The story takes place on Virginia’s family’s sprawling and ostentatious island compound near the gorgeous and splendid Savannah, Georgia. Virginia micromanages every aspect of the multiday event. This pushes the already nervous Betsy into near basket case territory.
Rounding out the mainly female cast are Gigi Zumbado as the pregnant (and boring) Zoe and Da’Vine Joy Randolph as Lydia. Proving Randolph’s Oscar win for “The Holdovers” was a one-off fluke, the “sassy” Lydia is not nearly as alluring and irresistible as she believes herself to be.
Apart from the brief pre-title sequence in Paris, there’s not much “Die Hard” action content until well past the 45-minute mark. At first, it isn’t clear why antagonist Kurt (Stephen Dorff) and his two dozen hired guns are crashing Betsy’s wedding. To Steinberg’s credit, once the reason is finally revealed, it is admittedly interesting and semi-original. Sadly, Steinberg torpedoes her own flash of inspiration by following it up with a preposterous, only-in-the-movies, after-the-fact wrinkle.
Logic and Physics?
One by one, Sam starts neutralizing Kurt’s heavily armed men clad in battle-level protective gear, albeit while in heels and a form-fitting dress. In most other “serious” movies, a lone woman takes out dozens of professional killers (the recent “Ballerina” and “Canary Black”). Here in a parody, logic and physics can and should be ignored.While not a natural physical comedienne, Wilson uses her plus size to her advantage and makes what would be subpar in other movies funny and ironic here. For example, she uses two electric hair curlers as nunchucks and a bag of flour as a temporarily blinding substance.
It’s when Sam is breaking bad that the movie succeeds. When the filmmakers shift the attention to the hostages and their captors sitting around, yapping and otherwise killing time, the narrative stalls and sputters.
For those interested in watching the movie as part of a “girl’s night out” type of gathering, keep in mind, it is rated “R” for language. While peppered sparsely with F-bombs, there is nothing coarse or overtly suggestive. There is no nudity, and the violence is on par with what might be depicted in a PG-13 flick. There are also no frequently off-putting “bodily function” sight gags that literally littered “Bridesmaids.”
Unless you’re a devoted fan of any of the cast members and don’t want to make the investment of a theatrical view, I have good news. The movie will be available to stream on Disney+ beginning July 8.
