3 Lessons in Gentlemanly Behavior From Jane Austen’s Mr. Knightley

Mr. Knightley (Jeremy Northam) and Emma (Gwyneth Paltrow) in the 1996 film "Emma." MovieStillsDb

In literature, some characters that make us laugh, some that make us weep, some that make us squirm with indignation, and some rare figures who are beacons of light for how we ought to live.

One such character is Mr. Knightley from Jane Austen’s delightful 1815 novel “Emma.” Set in provincial England, the novel describes the doings of a charming, intelligent, and somewhat immature young woman named Emma Woodhouse, who busies herself playing matchmaker for her friends and acquaintances—whether they desire her involvement or not. Emma lives alone with her aging father, and their most frequent visitor and friend is Knightley, who owns the neighboring estate.

Mr. Knightley’s proposal to Emma. An illustration by Chris Hammond in the 1898 edition of “Emma.” Public Domain

As Knightley’s name implies, he’s a paragon of honorable, chivalrous, and gentlemanly behavior. With unassuming grace and good nature, Knightley demonstrates how to live nobly in the ordinary affairs of life. Here are three specific lessons he provides by his example.

Assisting Others

A gentleman uses his resources, influence, and abilities to assist others.

Knightley owns the expansive estate of Donwell Abbey. He has a number of tenant farmers, including Robert Martin, a good-hearted young man who is in love with one of Emma’s friends, Harriet Smith. Harriet likes the young man a good deal, but Emma persuades her that George Martin is unsuitable, leading to confusion and heartache on all sides.

Knightley is genuinely concerned about the welfare of his tenants, especially Martin, who he treats almost like a son. He advocates on behalf of Mr. Martin when Emma convinces Harriet to ignore the young farmer in favor of a “better catch.”

In addition to speaking up for others, Knightley shares his material resources freely. He invites his friends and neighbors to pick strawberries from his strawberry beds. He gives away so many of his apples that he has too few left for himself. He offers the use of his carriage to a pair of women from the village who can’t afford one of their own.

Summarizing what Mr. Knightley’s behavior teaches readers, literature professor Mitchell Kalpakgian wrote “A gentleman does kind deeds quietly and unnoticeably, always aware of the needs of others without their asking.”

In an illustration for an 1898 copy of "Emma," Mr. Knightley listens obligingly to the loquacious Miss Bates. Public Domain

Defending Others’ Honor

A gentleman pays attention to the neglected and defends the honor of all.

Knightley has an eye for those who are neglected by others.

Emma’s father, Mr. Woodhouse, is a doddering old fellow, kind-hearted but timid and, to many people, a bit of a hypochondriac and very tedious company. Few people find much time for him. Yet Mr. Knightley pays him regular visits and generously talks with him about the most insignificant matters. He gives his time freely to this lonely old man, never complaining about Mr. Woodhouse’s small-mindedness. As Kalpakgian put it, “Always social and gracious, [Knightley] never resorts to displays to gain acclaim or compliments but unassumingly converses with all people on a multitude of topics from the trivial to the important with perfect ease and no airs of superiority.”

Knightley provides another example of concern for the neglected when Harriet Smith is snubbed by another man at a dance. He notices the poor girl sitting sadly by herself while everyone else dances and swiftly remedies the situation by leading her into the dance himself.

Knightley saves some ladies from the rain, in this 1898 illustration from "Emma." Public Domain

In one particularly painful scene, the high-spirited Emma makes fun of a foolish but kindly spinster from the village, Miss Bates. While Emma, Miss Bates, Knightley, and several others are out on a picnic, they invent a game where each person must say either one clever thing, two moderately clever things, or three dull things. Miss Bates—known to prattle on breathlessly about insignificant matters—says self-deprecatingly, “‘Three things very dull indeed.’ That will just do for me, you know. I shall be sure to say three dull things as soon as ever I open my mouth, shan’t I?”

In an attempt to appear witty, Emma responds mockingly, “Ah! ma’am, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me—but you will be limited as to number—only three at once.”

Miss Bates is immediately subdued and humiliated. Shortly afterwards, Knightley defends the honor of Miss Bates, despite her low station in life, and reprimands Emma for her thoughtlessness.

“It was badly done, indeed! You, whom she had known from an infant, whom she had seen grow up from a period when her notice was an honour, to have you now, in thoughtless spirits, and the pride of the moment, laugh at her, humble her—and before her niece, too—and before others, many of whom (certainly some,) would be entirely guided by your treatment of her.—This is not pleasant to you, Emma—and it is very far from pleasant to me; but I must, I will,—I will tell you truths.”

Telling the Truth

As Knightley himself states in the passage just quoted, he is determined to tell the truth. Any man of integrity must love and live by the truth. When speaking to Emma about the dishonesty of another male character, Knightley cries with feeling, “So unlike what a man should be!—None of that upright integrity, that strict adherence to truth and principle, that disdain of trick and littleness, which a man should display in every transaction of his life.” This is an excellent summary of Knightley’s values and the way he acts: a dedication to truth and honesty.

Moreover, Knightley knows that the truth will ultimately benefit others. Because he has great love and concern for Emma, he’s willing to be honest with her and sometimes share hard truths with her so that she can learn and grow. Ultimately, Knightley is concerned with Emma’s growth in virtue and tries to guide her along that path. He speaks his mind to her when he feels it’s necessary, such as after the incident with Miss Bates.

When he realizes how Emma’s meddling has damaged the blooming romance between Harriet and Robert Martin, he tells her frankly, “You have been no friend to Harriet Smith, Emma.” By that, he means that Emma has put her matchmaking game ahead of what’s really best for Harriet.

Mr. Knightly (Jeremy Northam) scolds Emma (Gwyneth Paltrow) for hurting another. MovieStillDb

Unlike most of the other characters in the book, Knightley doesn’t flatter Emma, though he thinks highly of her. When she makes a mistake—whether in something little like when painting a portrait or big like a friendship—he offers he constructive criticism. The slick and self-satisfied Mr. Elton, hoping to win Emma’s favor, oozes over her artistic abilities, but Knightley respects her enough to kindly point out problems with her painting.

Knightley’s approach to life can be summed up well in his own words: “There is one thing, Emma, which a man can always do, if he chooses, and that is, his duty; not by maneuvering and finessing, but by rigour and resolution.” He understands his duty to do good by all, to reprove evil when he sees it, and to stand up for what is right and noble.

Throughout the novel, he does that with “rigour and resolution,” proving that ideals of knighthood can endure even in everyday life, where every interaction a man has with others can be seen as a test of chivalric virtue.

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