A Single Woman’s Tale

(Thomas Lohnes/Getty Images)

I am single, never married. I have many friends in the same situation—single, never married. We are all successful, well educated, intelligent, fun, and attractive. What is the reason for this state of affairs?

A number of years ago New York Magazine devoted a big article to this question. The story caused a sensation then and it is just as relevant today. For the first time in the history of society we have a large number of single women and a large number of single men, and the two groups can’t get together.

Here’s why. Traditionally, men marry beneath themselves and women marry above themselves. Today we have a group of single women who are so superior they can’t find men above them and a group of single men who are so inferior they can’t find women below them. Ouch! That was a rotten egg thrown by some man.

I have a friend who has a doctorate. I once asked if she told dates about her education. She looked at me as though I were crazy. She tells them that she is a teacher, which she is. That allows her to find some dates, but no one she could consider marrying. She told me she hasn’t had a really intelligent conversation with a man in years.

I know from personal experience that one of the easiest, fastest ways to lose a man—admittedly not worth keeping—is to wear a mink coat on a date and mention how much you enjoyed staying at the Connaught Hotel—one of the finest in the world—last time you were in London. That is, you’ll lose him if you’re lucky. If you’re not, he’ll stick around to spend your money.

My friends and I laugh together about the men we’ve known and turned down. We call them “war stories.” There was the one I went out with who swore he was a college graduate but when walking in the street balanced himself on the edge of the curb like a tightrope walker—or in his case, a five year old.

Men, and their delicate male egos, don’t feel comfortable with a woman who knows more than they do, has a better job, or more money. They don’t want her to have experienced things—fine restaurants, Paris, Rome—that they haven’t. So women are in the uncomfortable position of having to lie and dumb themselves down to the man’s level. Not the best preparation for marriage.

The next time you’re tempted to ask a chic, attractive, successful single woman why she never married, don’t. You already have your answer: it’s because we’re chic, attractive, and successful!

Miriam Silverberg is a freelance journalist and the owner of Miriam Silverberg Associates, a boutique publicity agency in Manhattan. She may be reached at [email protected].