As an incurable optimist, I daily recognize the many things in our world that cause us to smile and celebrate.
As a mental health professional, I daily recognize the many things in our world that cause people pain and peril.
Many of the troubles plaguing our society subject people to traumatic experiences, usually at no fault of their own. In fact, nearly everyone will encounter traumatic events at some time, in some form.
Trauma sometimes happens in the most deplorable ways we can imagine, such as sexual assault, domestic violence, combat, or public shootings. Other forms are more common but no less devastating: the loss of a loved one, a bitter divorce, or being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease.
The COVID-19 pandemic brought unexpected trauma to millions of people through prolonged sickness, sudden job loss, financial crisis, loss of loved ones, or relapse into substance abuse. Simply put, any experience that leaves a person deeply wounded and feeling broken inside can have long-lasting detrimental effects.
For the past 30 years, I have treated a wide variety of serious issues, including addiction, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and relationship problems. When I founded a mental health and treatment clinic in 1984, I didn’t fully understand that most ailments and afflictions people struggle with can be traced back to trauma of some kind. Many people suffer from the aftereffects of trauma—including depression, anxiety, addiction, panic attacks, insomnia, and suicidal ideation—for years or even a lifetime.
All-Too-Common Fact of Life
The number of people who have experienced one or more of these traumatizing events in their lifetime is staggering. Using data on the prevalence of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in America as a guide, a stark picture emerges:- An estimated 70 percent of adults in the United States have experienced a traumatic event at least once in their lives, and up to 20 percent of these people go on to develop PTSD.
- Approximately 8.7 percent of all U.S. adults—1 in 13—will develop PTSD during their lifetime.
- An estimated one out of nine women will develop PTSD at some time in their lives. Women are twice as likely as men to develop PTSD.
- More than two-thirds of children reported experiencing at least one traumatic event in their lives before age 16—with more than 13 percent developing some post-traumatic stress symptoms.
1. Trauma Comes in All Shapes and Sizes
In researching my book “Triumph Over Trauma,” I came across many definitions of what this means. One that comes closest to the target is from the National Council for Mental Wellbeing: “Trauma is any event or series of events that is experienced or witnessed by an individual and has long-lasting social, physical, spiritual, or psychological effects.”I zero in on the phrase “any event.” There is no single definition of what constitutes trauma and no definitive set of predictable effects on well-being. We all have personal parameters for what makes an event traumatic—because we are all distinct individuals shaped by the combination of past experience, personality, physiological traits, and other conditions that are uniquely our own.
2. All Trauma Is Personal and Deeply Felt
Recently, I spoke with an 81-year-old woman whose 14-year-old dachshund had passed away. A widow for 20 years, this dog had been her constant companion and comfort for many years. Describing her grief, this woman used the word “traumatizing,” and no doubt it was for her.Other people might consider the loss of a pet to be sad but not devastating. Likewise, some people might regard a job loss as a “setback” while others would experience it as a traumatic event. The point is that no one can ever decide for anyone else what is or isn’t traumatic.
3. Trauma Survivors Often Feel Shame
This is one of the tragic ironies of trauma: Those who are innocent suffer emotional turmoil, creating many associated problems they then also have to deal with. An essential component of healing is to recognize unhealthy emotions that don’t belong to you and replace them with healthy ones that do belong to you. Not all feelings of shame, guilt, or remorse are justified or fair.4. Trauma Isn’t a Sign of Failure
It’s a sad fact that our society seems obsessed with fault-finding. Take a look, for instance, at the nature and tone of a lot of social media content. When a post itself doesn’t point fingers and cast blame, you can count on the comments from others to do so. This has created a culture of scrutiny in which we hold everything that happens under a microscope to discover whose mistake is behind it all.Given this conditioning, when someone has suffered a traumatic event, we often don’t realize how easy it is to transmit the subtle assumption that in some way they must have brought it upon themselves. The greatest damage happens when the traumatized person begins to believe it, too.
5. Time Alone Isn’t Enough to Heal Traumatic Stress
Phrases such as “time heals all wounds” and “just give it time” may be some of the most misleading, unhelpful advice you can receive following a traumatic experience. It’s true that some people have reserves of resilience that allow them to bounce back after a period of recovery. That is far better explained by the fact that each person is unique and responds differently to trauma than by the simple passage of time.6. Unresolved Trauma Begets Further Trauma
Many people suffering the aftermath of past pain are unwilling or unable to address the initial traumatic event and therefore stay stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior and emotional distress.Survivors of accidents, disasters, childhood abuse, and other traumas often endure lifelong symptoms. These symptoms range from anxiety and depression to unexplained physical pain, fatigue, illness, and harmful “acting out” behaviors (substance abuse, risky sex, criminal activities, and so on). Untreated and unaddressed trauma often goes on replicating itself into new sources of trauma.
7. You Can’t ‘Muscle Through’ Traumatic Stress
Willpower, determination, and grit are helpful in allowing you to take steps forward, but they aren’t enough to get over your distress. That is because trauma deeply affects you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Some people mistakenly believe that traumatic distress will “go away” if they keep pressing on. Trying to be strong and steadfast is a worthy pursuit—but not enough to achieve lasting health.8. Trauma Reshapes Your Life—but Isn’t the End
It’s common for people who have suffered a traumatic event to mentally divide their lives into “before” and “after.” That’s natural and probably unavoidable, since trauma ushers in fundamental changes that shouldn’t be denied. The danger lies in how we think of “after.”Early on, it’s extremely difficult to imagine returning to anything resembling normal. But this is why seeking professional help is vitally important—so that there is someone on your team who can hold open the space for your pain while gently steering you back toward wellness. It’s true that you will never be quite the same person you were before—but it’s also completely false that your life is now forever defined by endless fear, anger, or shame.
9. Trauma Recovery Requires and Builds Resilience
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.” In other words, it’s the capability to bounce back up when life knocks you down.It isn’t true that some people are born with resilience and others aren’t. Resilience is a quality that can be acquired and developed by anyone. The APA notes: “While certain factors might make some individuals more resilient than others, resilience isn’t necessarily a personality trait that only some people possess. On the contrary, resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, and actions that anyone can learn and develop.”
10. Trauma Healing Can Happen to Anyone
Brokenness following a traumatic event is never a one-way ticket or a life sentence. We are certainly changed by trauma and can never undo what happened to us. It becomes a part of who we are, like everything else we’ve ever experienced. But it’s a blatant lie to envision yourself like Humpty Dumpty lying in pieces on the ground, without a hope of ever being whole again.Every trauma survivor willing to work for it can go on to live a life with close relationships, inner peace, and energy to pursue their dreams.
Gregory Jantz is the founder and director of the mental health clinic The Center: A Place of Hope in Edmonds, Wash. He is the author of “Triumph Over Trauma, Healing Depression for Life,” and many other books. Find Dr. Jantz at APlaceOfHope.com
