In traditional Vietnamese culture, a wedding is one of the most important events in life. To people today, traditional weddings seem to be complex, lengthy, and painstaking with six standard steps: selection of bride and groom (ken chon), face-to-face (giam ngo), engagement (an hoi), wedding party, return to bride’s parent (lai mat), and party for neighbors (le nop treo).
In ken chon, parents select a partner for their children. In this selection process, not only the partner is considered, but also the current situation and position of the partner’s family. This step takes most of the time, and normally the two families have had a good relationship for years.
In giam ngo, representatives of boy’s family (usually led by the boy’s father) asks the girl’s family to allow to marry her. If the girl’s family accepts that request, the wedding plan will be discussed in more detail.
In an hoi, the representatives of the groom’s family bring all the things requested by bride’s family. In this occasion, all details of the wedding will be finalized.
After the wedding takes place, the bride goes home with her husband.
The lai mat is the occasion when, within three days after the wedding, the new husband will bring her new wife and some traditional gifts back to her parents’ house to thank them.
In le nap treo, the new couple will organize a party for neighbors to introduce to them the new bride. Usually, on this occasion, the couple also donates some things to the community.
Traditionally, the new wife has to live in her husband’s family home from the night of the wedding until the end of her life. This implies that she has to give up her familiar home for a totally new situation, and get along with people of different generations in her husband’s house.
In addition, the tight cohesion among people in a village means that when a new wife comes to live with her husband, she should not only be adapted to her husband’s family, but also with his community.
Therefore, ancient Vietnamese people considered a marriage of not only two individuals, but of two big families and communities. Thus the psychological preparation of the bride and her family is very important.
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