Surviving the Return of Adult Children

May 19, 2021 Updated: May 19, 2021

It used to be that young people reaching adulthood could not wait to leave home and be on their own. And their parents longed for an empty nest and quieter lives.

In July 2020, 52 percent of young adults resided with one or both of their parents, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of monthly Census Bureau data. Young people are spoiling their parents’ plans.

Many American homes have become very crowded nests. While parents are asking themselves what went wrong, the boomerang kids seem to be adjusting quite nicely. And why shouldn’t they? They’re getting a house without the rent, a laundromat with no slots for coins, and a mini-storage facility, otherwise known as your garage.

No one’s doubting that current economic conditions are making it nearly impossible for kids to make it out of the nest for good on the first try. That’s fine. Just remember you want to make this a short-term layover. Eventually, you want leaving to be easier than staying. And I’m talking about them, not you.

Above all, take care of yourself. That means you’re first in the shower. It means securing your retirement before taking on their student debt. It means paying off your mortgage before helping with theirs.

Rent

Insist that adult children pay rent or make some other form of financial contribution. At the very least, they are buying groceries, paying utilities, or paying a third of the rent. This is, after all, the real world.

Harmony

Boomerangs have to respect the parents and their rules. Period. Yes, they are adults, but in this house, at this time, they are subordinates.

Temporary

This should be a one-time event with both a start and an end date, not subject to renewal.

Laundry

Resist all temptation to do the boomerang’s laundry. No. Matter. What.

Bills

Boomerangs will undoubtedly arrive with bills. Do not pay these. Do not even think about it. Boomerangs must take full responsibility for all bills and debts, even if that requires a second minimum-wage job.

Transportation

Living privileges should not extend to your car. Nor should you drive said boomerang around the way you did many years ago. Boomerangs are on their own to get around.

Parking

Make it very clear what the parking arrangements are. Boomerangs, by all rights, should park on the street, not occupy the primo garage or driveway space (if that requires the parents to park on the street).

Food

Do not leave this matter undiscussed. While the Crowded Nest Diet (wherein no matter how much you spend on food, it disappears faster than the national surplus) has been known to result in weight loss for the host parents, it does nothing to encourage boomerangs to move along to greener pastures.

Chores

Boomerangs need to be involved in the house. When determining who does what and when, err on the side of being too detailed and specific.

Contract

Transfer your house rules to a simple contract that everyone signs. Remember, this is the same kid who was the master at finding loopholes not so many years ago.

Mary Hunt is the founder of EverydayCheapskate.com, a frugal living blog and the author of the book “Debt-Proof Living.” Mary invites you to visit her at her website, where this column is archived complete with links and resources for all recommended products and services. Mary invites questions and comments at EverydayCheapskate.com/contact, “Ask Mary.” Tips can be submitted at Tips.EverydayCheapskate.com. This column will answer questions of general interest, but letters cannot be answered individually. Copyright 2021 Creators.com