Mindful Speech, Using Your Words to Help and Not Harm

Mindful Speech, Using Your Words to Help and Not Harm
Practicing mindful speech, can help us avoid misunderstandings, and move past conflicts. Shutterstock
Nancy Colier
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When we want our kids to express themselves in ways other than tantrumming or throwing peas at the dog, we say “Use your words.” But I often wonder, do adults really know how to use our words skillfully, in ways that help and don’t harm?

This morning I was on a train listening to a mother talking to her young son. The mother’s words were unkind and deliberately hurtful, in a way that demonstrated their damage instantaneously. Yesterday I worked with a couple who came to see me to learn how to communicate better. For an hour, I listened to both of them using their words to criticize and humiliate each other.  Last week I said something to a friend that was not helpful for our relationship and not skillful in terms of expressing myself in a way that she could hear. Add to all that, I just received an unsupportive email from a family member telling me all the reasons why I was wrong (and he was right) about something we had discussed.

Nancy Colier
Nancy Colier
Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, thought leader, public speaker, and the author of "Can't Stop Thinking: How to Let Go of Anxiety and Free Yourself from Obsessive Rumination,” “The Power of Off,” and the recently released “The Emotionally Exhausted Woman: Why You’re Depleted and How to Get What You Need” (November, 2022.)
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