Helping Moms Go After Their Goals and Dreams

Nikki Oden, founder of Your Ideal Mom Life, shares advice for busy moms

Life for mothers changes through different stages of childhood, but the key is to be crystal clear on your priorities and remind yourself that you're doing your very best. (juanma hache/Getty Images)

It’s no secret that moms wear many hats. Keeping it all together can feel like a mere pipe dream at times.

Nikki Oden seems to be figuring it out. She is the founder of Your Ideal Mom Life, host of the Love Your Mom Life podcast, and author of the new book, “But Definitely Wear Mascara: Hacks to Help You Love Your Mom Life (and Yourself) a Little More.” I asked Oden for her advice for busy moms. Here’s what she said.

The Epoch Times: Your new book aims to teach moms how to love their mom life. Have you always loved your mom life?

Nikki Oden: Although I love my life now, that wasn’t always the case. When I became a mom, I walked away from a lucrative career as a lawyer to settle into raising my children. In the beginning, I had two under 2 and, aside from keeping my toddler from accidentally murdering my infant, had no idea what I was doing. Most days, I didn’t even brush my teeth. I completely lost myself in being “mommy” and “wife.”

Eventually, I had to admit to myself that I wasn’t happy. Like so many moms, I discovered I wanted to have an impact on the world outside of my family—but without forsaking them. It was through that process of trying to integrate what I wanted out of life as a woman with who I wanted to be as a mother (and dropping a lot of balls in the process) that I became passionate about helping other moms battle burnout, crush their goals, and lose the mom guilt.

Nikki Oden is the author of "But Definitely Wear Mascara: Hacks to Help You Love Your Mom Life (and Yourself) a Little More.” (Courtesy of Nikki Oden)

The Epoch Times: How does loving your mom life differ throughout the different stages of childhood?

Ms. Oden: As your children get older, certain things become easier. For example, it’s not difficult for me to get a few minutes to myself now that my children are able to read on their own and entertain each other. But there are new challenges, too, like nurturing your children’s interests, which may require them to be driven to a football field or a tennis court after school, while still juggling the demands of your career and your own personal interests.

The key is to get crystal clear on your priorities, so that even if you aren’t getting it all done (and you won’t!), you’re doing the most important things on your list. And remind yourself often that you are doing your very best.

The Epoch Times: For many moms who wish they had their lives more together, guilt plays a big role. Why do you believe this is?

Ms. Oden: I believe mothers often hold themselves to an impossible standard. No mother is perfect, but so many of us strive for perfection—which is a definition we’ve each invented in our own heads. Inevitably, however, we will make mistakes that affect our children, like forgetting to send money for picture day or book fair, and so often our knee-jerk response is to berate ourselves.

But guilt doesn’t make anything better. It certainly doesn’t change an outcome that’s already occurred. When I began to understand that truth, I realized that guilt is a choice. And although we can’t always control our first thought (which is when guilt usually hijacks our brains), we can take responsibility for our second thought. I tell moms, “Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love.” Decide what you would do differently the next time, and let it go.

The Epoch Times: What are some of the key strategies you’ve employed to feel great about your “mom life?”

Ms. Oden: I make myself a priority. I choose to wake up before my children so I can meditate, journal, and exercise. I also make my days easier by intentionally performing small but very impactful rituals, like preparing my breakfast the night before and planning my outfit for the next day down to the accessories. The 10-to-15 minutes I spend each night before bed to plan my morning ensures I start each day smoothly, so I’m better equipped to handle the unpredictable chaos that will most definitely ensue at some point with my kiddos.

The Epoch Times: What are some ways in which moms trip themselves up when it comes to achieving satisfaction in their lives?

Ms. Oden: The first is by not giving themselves permission to think about what they truly want their lives to look like. Most of us are so caught up with the busyness of adulting that we never stop to think about what we want out of life. But once we do, we can start living intentionally. We can choose not to feel inadequate or guilty about where we aren’t spending our time, because we are now focused on using our days to do things and achieve milestones that get us to where we actually want to go.

Another way moms often trip themselves up is by taking action to change their lives that are too big to be sustainable. Although our goals should be big (and hairy and audacious), the steps we take toward achieving those goals should be tiny at first. I teach moms how to break gigantic annual goals into daily, bite-sized activities that, when done consistently over time, help them create more of what they want to experience, whether that’s with weight loss, starting a podcast, or getting organized with their time.

The Epoch Times: If a mom reading this is feeling like she’s stuck on “the hot mess express” as you say, what’s the first thing you’d advise her to do?

Ms. Oden: A mental dump! Every Sunday afternoon, when things tend to be quieter, sit down, put pen to paper, and just start listing all the things that are weighing on you. It doesn’t matter what area of your life it pertains to, or how big or small. It doesn’t even matter if you believe you'll never have time to do it. If it’s on your mind, dump it onto the paper.

Once everything is out, even if you do nothing else with the list, you'll feel so much better. And if you want to take it a step further, you can prioritize the list and determine which items are most important, which can wait, and which can be done by someone other than you. There are people in your life who want to help you. Most people just need to be asked. So ask.