Fifth grade was the first time students were introduced to band in the school where I taught, and I could usually count on about 85 percent of the class signing up to play an instrument. On Fridays, right before recess and lunch, all of these excited band members went to band while the rest of the class stayed back for a study hall. One day during one of these band rehearsal/study halls, I found myself eavesdropping on two students having a conversation. Before you judge me harshly, please read this story to the end.
The room was quiet when a student named Alex walked in, handed me a late excuse, and sat down next to another student named Hayden. Before long, they began talking quietly. They had never been friends, so I admit I was curious, and I began to listen to their conversation. Alex started by asking, “Hayden, you’re autistic, aren’t you?”
Now you can see why I felt it important to eavesdrop on this conversation! This could go terribly wrong. First, Hayden wasn’t known for his calm demeanor and reactions, and Alex wasn’t known for his tact. I knew I was right for listening.
Hayden answered, “Yes, I am. Why are you asking?”
Alex replied, “Well, I was just at the doctor and he diagnosed me as autistic. It turns out that a lot of my anger issues and other problems stem from that problem.”
Hayden said, “Well, that makes sense. My autism causes lots of problems, but anger and frustration are one of the hardest to deal with. That’s why I go to a therapist to get strategies to deal with it.”
“Strategies?” Alex asked. “What kind of strategies are there for dealing with anger and frustration? I usually just start screaming, throwing things, and eventually crying. Those strategies are not working for me. I would most definitely be interested in strategies that might work.”
Hayden, who had mostly been a loner, who I had hardly heard talk to any of his classmates, and who I had never seen animated or excited about anything except video games, was suddenly excitedly telling his new friend a variety of ways he could handle frustration or ways to calm himself down when he was angry. I was fascinated, and the wheels started to turn. But just when things were getting really interesting, the bell for recess rang! I approached the two boys and asked them if they would mind talking to me for a little while during recess. They both said, “Sure.”
We all went outside for recess, and the boys and I headed for the outdoor garden to talk. I admitted that I had overheard their discussion about autism and also their discussion about how to control frustration and anger. I asked them if they would be embarrassed sharing their knowledge with a larger audience, like a national audience or perhaps an international audience. In other words, would they like to start a YouTube show discussing these topics?
They looked at each other, and their faces lit up! They would absolutely love to do a YouTube show sharing their struggles and knowledge with the world. I told them I would first need to obtain permission from their parents, but if they said yes, we could proceed.
Directly after recess was lunch, so I called both boys’ parents, and they were completely on board. Since it was a Friday, we had our usual class meeting during civics class, and I introduced the topic to the class. I explained to them that Alex and Hayden would be the hosts of the show and in charge of all the details. However, anyone in the class interested in being involved and anyone with input or ideas for the show was welcome to share them with Alex and Hayden. With that, I turned the meeting over to the two boys, sat back, and observed.
Suddenly, all eyes were on Alex and Hayden. They were the most important people in the room, and the most powerful. I could see in their faces that rather than shrink from it, both boys relished it. Their classmates began raising their hands and asking questions that went something like this: Can I be your manager? Can I edit the videos? Can I be the photographer and videographer? Can we put commercials in the show? Will you have guests on the show? Can we involve the pets in some way?
Alex and Hayden took all of the questions in stride as if they had been leading a production all of their lives. I said nothing. I did nothing, until one of them turned to me and said, “Mrs. A., this is going to be a lot of work. When will we be able to work on the show? I don’t think Friday class meetings are going to be enough.”
They weren’t wrong. We decided to form the “Alex and Hayden Show Club” to meet before school on Tuesday and Friday mornings. Alex and Hayden assured me they would be able to attend, and any classmates who could not attend would at least be involved during our weekly Friday meetings. The bell rang, and we all scrambled, realizing it was time to go home. It was Friday afternoon, yet no one really wanted to leave school yet. This made me smile. The kids gathered their jackets and bookbags, heading for the buses or leaving to walk home, all sharing ideas about the new show. In the meantime, I reflected on what had happened that day.
A young man had been diagnosed with autism. His family, who had been struggling for years, finally had answers, but they also had lots of questions and fears for the future. The young man, however, came to school confused and left feeling hope and feeling like a star. He had made a friend for life, as well as a whole classroom of friends that would eventually respect, love, and support him throughout his school life.
“The Alex and Hayden Show” is still online, and you can find it today by searching for “The Alex and Hayden Show” on YouTube. These students, and other students from the school who appeared as guests on the show, produced 38 episodes. The show had a format that included giving strategies for frustration or anger, information about famous people with autism, commercials, and usually a classroom pet thrown in for fun.
After the show had been on air for a while, I received an email from a man who was in charge of The Autism Program of Illinois, called TAP. He told me he had found our video podcast online and asked if he could use the podcast to teach social skills in the Illinois state autism program. I was flabbergasted and honored, and, of course, I said yes. When the boys were in 7th grade, he contacted me again and asked if I could bring them to a conference for Illinois librarians in Springfield, Illinois. He explained that our airfare (mine, the two boys’, and a parent’s) and hotel rooms would all be paid for, with meals included.
We went to Springfield and had the time of our lives! Alex, a huge history buff, could not get enough of the Lincoln Museum and the Lincoln history all over the city. Hayden loved the ghost tour! Most of all, the boys were amazing. They spoke in front of hundreds of librarians and answered their questions. I barely recognized them as they mingled with the crowd afterward, discussing the show and its effect on their lives.
This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
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