Nearly seven years ago, Emma Ruscoe from Solihull, West Midlands, England, started noticing subtle signs that there was something wrong with her husband, Simon Ruscoe.
“I noticed a change in his behavior at the end of 2015. Simon stopped wanting to go out with friends, he didn’t want to go out and socialize,” Ms. Ruscoe, 55, said. “He became very reserved, and I noticed he was withdrawing more and more to the point I thought he was having an affair.”
During a holiday in Cephalonia, Greece, in August 2016 with their two sons, Alex, now 26, and Oliver, now 21, Ms. Ruscoe says Mr. Ruscoe became argumentative and started forgetting conversations that had just happened. She took him to her doctor who then referred him to a memory clinic but it was tricky getting Mr. Ruscoe to an appointment.
“After two years of battling, we went back to the doctors in March 2018 as he still didn’t seem right,” she said. “We got an appointment at the memory clinic in June 2018, we were fobbed off. There were no tests, we spoke to a psychologist, and he told us that Simon was stressed. We received a letter saying categorically that my husband didn’t have dementia.”
Concerned by Mr. Ruscoe’s deteriorating behavior, Ms. Ruscoe went back to her doctor and was referred again to the memory clinic. The pair went to a few appointments where Mr. Ruscoe was assessed and, in January 2020, he was diagnosed with early onset dementia.
“When he received the diagnosis, I felt a sense of relief,” she said. “I knew something was wrong and I was battling for so long—nobody believed there was anything wrong with him.”
Ms. Ruscoe said: “I can’t fault my GP [general practitioner] as they did refer us to the memory clinic, but I think they should also be sign-posting people to the Alzheimer’s Society.
“We would have gotten so much advice and support.
“I did feel a huge sense of relief, from my point of view, I knew there was something wrong with him.
“It was nice to get an answer after battling for so long, once I got the diagnosis, I knew what I was dealing with.”
Soon after Mr. Ruscoe’s diagnosis, the UK went into lockdown. Ms. Ruscoe says it was tough to look after Mr. Ruscoe, but they adapted.
“From my point of view lockdown was hard. He was in the mild stage of the disease,” she said. "But what lockdown meant for me is I was able to work from home so I could get Simon to do his own personal care. We have to stand with him, but he does it on his own.
“It’s gone from asking him to cut the lawn 12 months ago to now him not being able to do anything on his own.
“What makes it easy with Simon is that he is a lovely person, and the dementia has not changed that.”
Ms. Ruscoe said she hopes Mr. Ruscoe will continue to be cared for at home but admits she doesn’t know what the future holds.
She said: “Reading the prognosis, he probably will go into a [care] home, but we will fight that every step of the way—I would prefer him to be at home. I have two boys that live at home, my mum lives down the road and she helps out when she can. I am looking for a personal assistant to give us a break and give Simon some independence.
“It is a living grief—you watch that person deteriorate. We have been together for 31 years. Watching the person I have grown up with disappear is heartbreaking. On bad days it feels like my heart is being ripped out but on good days I think I am lucky that he is still here.
“He is my soulmate—the love of my life and he always will be.”
