One day it hit me. I decided to give my kids “the gift of Dad.” I knew they would be so excited. By the “gift of Dad,” I meant that I wanted to teach and share with them all the things about money my own dad hadn’t shared with me. What an incredible advantage they would have. I just knew they couldn’t wait to get started unwrapping this priceless gift.
Some dreams die more quickly than others.
Kara and I had just purchased a new home. We were living in a rental house temporarily due to a nine-month gap between selling our old house and the new house being ready for us to move into. The rental house was quite small, our kids were still pretty young, and the changes completely disrupted our family routine. The close proximity to one other had its advantages though. We were always bumping into one another.
One evening I asked my daughter Lauren, in the sixth grade at the time, “Can I talk with you about something?”
“Sure,” she said, as I stood at the doorway of her room.
“I want to talk to you about money,” I told her. I already felt triumphant, like I was the newly crowned champion who was about to share his secrets of success. I began to share my insights on sound investing and ways to make money grow.
Well, you know that sound when something screeches to a halt, like stopping short when someone suddenly runs out on the street right in front of you, or the sound of chalk against a chalkboard? That’s pretty much what happened in my mind as Lauren gave me the equivalent of a stiff arm. It wasn’t exactly a physical hand to my face, but after two words of my sage advice, the blank expression on her face telegraphed, “Dad, I’m not interested. I’m bored, my eyes are closing. Take your words elsewhere.”
I was surprised, then a little offended. I politely excused myself from the room. I don’t give up easily, so I rethought my game plan. A few days later I tried a different approach. “Lauren,” I said again. “Got a second? I want to ask you about something.”
She seemed wary, but said “Okay,” as I again stood in the doorway of her room.
Take two!
I mentioned to her that I thought she might find the high school Business Club I had started at her school interesting. She was only three years away from starting high school. I felt this was a great time to spark her interest and get her commitment to join. (Okay, so maybe I was jumping the gun a little.) “We’re doing some very cool things,” I told her.
“Like what?” she asked, without much expression.
“We talk about how to make money and how to start a business,” I said. I gave her some examples of business success stories. I even mentioned that everyone got their favorite candy when they came to Business Club. I was sure the hook was set, but I figured that was enough for now. I didn’t want to overplay my hand.
A few weeks later, I brought up the Business Club again and it piqued her interest a bit more.
“How do you get into the club?” she asked. (Probably to find out how to get the candy.)
“Well, it’s not for everybody,” I told her. I was brilliantly playing hard to get. I explained it was forty minutes every other week, and there was homework. She didn’t seem to like the homework idea (I’m not sure why), but I assured her the homework was fun, like how to turn $5 into $25 in a single weekend.
I was sure I had her—hook, line, and sinker.
Three years later, Lauren was sitting in the first row of the first Business Club meeting of her freshman year.
Throughout high school, Lauren became a sponge, learning lots of business principles. The door had been opened for many wonderful conversations I never anticipated. Fast forward to today. I believe the Business Club and the ongoing dialogue that ensued helped shape her into the young woman she has become. More recently, helping her open her first investment account and make her first stock purchases put another smile on this dad’s face.
Building curiosity is one thing; sharing curiosity is another, and it’s a rich opportunity for learning. It’s not always what you know; it’s often what you don’t know and can learn together. Let’s say a family member has asked for your help in investing or starting a business, but you have limited to no knowledge where to begin. You could say, “Sorry, I can’t help you” or you could say, “That sounds interesting. Let’s learn together.” The beauty of that second response is that it takes you off the hook for not being an expert. It’s enough just to be an expert at empathy and to be excited about learning together.
