The Art of Saying ‘No’: How to Graciously Set Boundaries, According to an Etiquette Expert

It’s an uncomfortable move, but communication is key for healthier relationships. Bethany Friske offers tips to make it easier.

Overworked employees should learn to say 'no' to their bosses when their plates are full. Biba Kayewich for American Essence

We’ve all experienced situations where others crossed the line and challenged our personal boundaries, intentionally or not. Depending on our personalities, it can be easy to respond with either an angry outburst or a plastered smile. But neither response resolves the real issue.

“The sooner that we can communicate and manage expectations, the better it will be for everyone,” says etiquette instructor Bethany Friske. She offered some gracious solutions for a variety of uncomfortable situations.

Fending Off Family Feuds

Many today are too quick to cut off their families, Friske notes, particularly after marriage introduces complicated in-law dynamics. Communication—with a husband and wife each speaking to his or her respective parents about difficult matters—and an understanding that different upbringings are in play, will prevent flared tempers. Regarding differences in child-rearing, Friske suggests using gentle redirects, such as, “We don’t use that word. Would you mind using this word instead?”