Dear Dave,
My husband and I are having arguments about money where our children are concerned. They are both 16, and I think they should have part-time jobs and be learning the value of work. He feels they’re only young once and wants them to enjoy being teenagers. He also gives them money anytime they ask. I want our kids to have fun, too, but this is beginning to cause tension in our relationship. I’d love your advice.
—Kaytee
Dear Kaytee,
I understand your concern. I’m sure your husband has a good heart, but by doing this, he’s acting like a friend instead of a parent. In the process, he’s allowing them to be nothing but takers and consumers. He’s setting them both up for lifetimes of helplessness and ridiculous expectations without realizing it.
But, yes, kids should absolutely learn to work, make money, and manage it wisely from an early age. My wife and I gave nice gifts to our kids from time to time, but they also worked and made money for themselves. And the nicer gifts we gave them were for special occasions. Even then, we didn’t go crazy with things.
Try sitting down with him, just the two of you, and sincerely explaining your feelings. Let him know you love him and how generous he is. But let him know, too, you’re worried this is having a negative impact on your children and why. Talk it out, openly and honestly, and try to agree on some changes together. There’s a middle ground here, but it’s going to take some time and effort from both of you to reach it.
Thanks, Kaytee!
—Dave
