Freedom is the ability to make good choices. For Deanna Lynn, who left the commercial sex trade and is now helping other women to do the same, her greatest wish is for women like her to heal from trauma and learn to make and trust their decisions. Her own life is a testimony to the blessings that result from these.
Ms. Lynn was first exposed to pornography at age 5, and by 17 she was on the streets, addicted to drugs, and lured into the sex trade by promises of modeling contracts. She spent the next 10 years in the pornography business. When she wanted to get out, she had no source of practical help: “I’d had every class of humanity come into my room. How do I learn to interact with people again, where do I go to heal from something like that?” she asked.
She turned to faith, and she knew she could be redeemed. “I just didn’t know how to live.” In 2008, before she left the commercial sex business, she was baptized. A woman from her church said to her, “What if I told you there was a place you could go to rest?” It sounded wonderful: a safe house where she could go for 12 months to disconnect from the voices that had brainwashed her, focus on healing, learn new ways of making decisions. This was Refuge for Women in Kentucky, which had opened in 2010 with eight spots for women who wanted to get out of the commercial sex trade.
“They had no outreach, no advertising,” Ms. Lynn said. “It really was divine encounter to be one of those eight women who could go to this safe house and get well. We all came from different states. Every story was so personal about how we got connected with Refuge.” After a series of interviews to be sure that she was fully committed to a 12-month program, Ms. Lynn left California and went to Kentucky.
Coming Home
The first thing she noticed was a “Welcome Home” sign on the door. She’d grown up in a family, but “the memories were really hard. There was a lot of violence, anger, drunkenness, rebellion. I’d never thought, ‘Oh, I want to go home.’” One of the first things she learned at Refuge for Women was what it felt like to be in a home, to be safe.
They had Monday night dinners with neighbors. “I got to see healthy families interact, where the children weren’t burdens to the parents, and nobody was fighting.” The women ate together each evening. To be able to commiserate with them was one of the most healing things for Ms. Lynn: “Nowhere at the table do you see somebody’s brand of sin; you just see people,” she said.
They learned how to interact genuinely with people. “We were able to think of dreams that we’d had before this part of our life hijacked us.” The women were involved in recovery programs and church, and each had her own mentor. A community surrounded them so that they had a stabilizing safe place.
For her first six months at Refuge, Ms. Lynn decided to disconnect totally from the world, which included all television, music, social media, and any connections to people she previously knew. “I’d had a lot of brainwashing, so the things that I thought were normal were not normal. I really needed God’s voice to be the loudest, and I needed to silence every other voice in my life,” she said. “I got real careful about whose voices I let in, and I’m still very careful.”
When the 12 months at the safe house were complete, the women held a graduation ceremony. “It’s worth celebrating: There’s still so far to go, but look how far you’ve come!” Leaning on her newfound community, Ms. Lynn began the process of reintegrating into the world. At first, she stayed very women-focused, working at a women’s gym, a women’s tea room, and attending a women’s Bible study. Eventually, she decided to go to seminary, and it was there that she started learning how to relate to men. She learned how to date and have healthy friendships. She got married and is now raising twin daughters.
Helping Women
She stayed connected to Refuge for Women because she wanted to help others. “I was so grateful for a new life, and I just wanted to pass it on,” she said. She became interested in helping women reintegrate into society. “Who’s checking on people, five, ten years later, making sure they’re still doing well?” Ten years after graduating the program, she became executive director of the Kentucky branch of Refuge for Women.
Refuge for Women now operates in six states. In addition to the 12-month program, there is a 30- to 90-day emergency stabilization program, where women can go to get immediate care. “We are connected to national organizations so that if we don’t have any beds we can make sure women still get the help that they need,” Ms. Lynn said. Currently, the organization is working on opening long-term independent living apartments. “Having some independent low-income housing where it’s just a community of women, where they don’t have to worry about being next door to their old pimp, allows women to explore their new lives. They can still get case management, still get counseling, and have access to continued care,” Ms. Lynn said.
Refuge for Women regularly holds panels to educate on the issue, from middle school through high school, and also helps lawmakers draft policy. Ms. Lynn said there is often a distinction drawn between ‘this woman was trafficked’ versus ‘this woman is there by choice.’ Ms. Lynn explained that many are misled into the business with false promises. “Girls are being lured in by being asked if they want to model, do they want to be famous? Producers, predators, and pimps go after you the second you graduate high school,” she said. “It’s not just those who already have addictions or don’t have family—it’s anyone who’s looking for a bit of extra attention, and then suddenly you’re in it so deep, and you can’t get out.”
She also wants more to know about the harmful effects of pornography. “Once it’s gone to a certain level of human trafficking, then people step in to help, but there’s this whole other sex trade where it’s okay to purchase people for your needs. There’s a huge demand and market for that, and until we get to the root of that, we can’t stop the trafficking,” she said.
Ms. Lynn is not just anti-trafficking; she is pro-human flourishing. “One good decision leads to another,” she said. “Whether you’re wanting to take action and help, or you’re wanting help, just take a next step.”—so they can finally make decisions from a place of freedom.
This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
