Dear June,
How do you keep the hearts of your children when all around there is pressure to live selfishly? My children are ages 7 to 17.
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Dear Concerned Father,
This is a question very close to my heart. My three children are all still younger than yours, but already I see the currents of culture pulling them. I don’t have a perfect answer, but I think there is a lot we, as parents, can do to help our children’s hearts grow to love truth and goodness more than self.
First, it is very important to remember that all of us—parents and children alike—are in a continuous process of changing, becoming, and refining ourselves. It’s perhaps obvious that children will change and grow, but we adults do as well, and we can do it more consciously. No matter what our age, we can refine ourselves—becoming more loving, kind, disciplined, and mentally free.
In order to parent well, we must reach into ourselves to find our best, and then, when inevitably this is still not enough, we expand ourselves to become better, stronger, calmer, and more capable. It’s from this striving to better ourselves that we gain the wisdom and authority to teach our children how to be better people.
One exercise that I’ve found beneficial is to challenge yourself to learn a new habit; it could be something simple like making your bed every day, or something more complex such as being kinder. It’s really not easy! But from our failures we learn to know ourselves better, and we grow in humility and patience, which are key virtues for raising children—and our striving makes a deep impression on our children.
One habit that is helping me be a better parent is keeping my house in better order. I’ve been working on the habit of putting things away as soon as I’ve finished. This may seem a bit trite, but it helps me stay calm, think more clearly, and as I’ve learned to discipline myself in this regard, I’m also able to require more discipline from my children in many areas.
