From Kiplinger’s Personal Finance
What can I afford to give them without overly compromising my income needs? My savings are modest, and I’m afraid I’ll run out of money. My home is worth $700,000, and I had hoped it would be a legacy vacation home for my family.
The Center for American Progress says that despite a relatively low unemployment rate, a growing number of Americans are underemployed. The share of workers not currently in the labor force who want a job rose in 2025 and currently sits above pre-pandemic levels.
This could help explain why young adults are increasingly leaning on their parents for financial support, otherwise known as “subsidized adulting.”
As of late 2025, a good 75 percent of U.S. parents were supporting at least one adult child financially, according to a recent AARP survey. Thrivent’s fifth annual Boomerang Kids Survey, meanwhile, found that 44 percent of parents with a child ages 18 to 35 had one move back home at some point.
If you find yourself in this reader’s shoes—wanting to help your family but watching your own income slide—you’re facing a tough balancing act. You’re clearly hesitant to tap the equity in your home or to downsize, and would rather pass the home down as an inheritance.
It’s a tough situation, but it’s not uncommon today. Here’s what the experts suggest.
Only Provide the Financial Help You Can Afford
As a parent, it’s natural to want to do what you can for your children, even if they’re old enough to be self-sufficient. But if you’re going to provide help, you need to put your own needs first.
“Helping adult children is one of the most difficult retirement planning decisions because it is a financial and emotional one,” says Doug Carey, CFA, founder and owner of WealthTrace. “The question is not ‘How much do my children need?’ It’s ‘How much can I give without putting myself in a position where I later need financial help?’ ”
Carey recommends totaling your required expenses, including housing costs, property taxes, insurance, utilities, food, healthcare, transportation, debt payments and taxes. Don’t forget retirement plan contributions. From there, you can see how much money you might have left to help your children.
To make this exercise easier, Carey suggests using a budgeting app to track your recurring expenses. He also recommends planning for the worst if your business has not been doing well.
“It would also be a good idea to assume your income will be lower in the future as a safety buffer,” he says.
Have Money in Reserve
The fact that you recently had a major home repair and the loss of your car should serve as a wake-up call that you need cash reserves, says Carey.
“You don’t want to use any of the money from a reserve fund for children since you might need it soon for emergencies,” he explains.
Given that your business income has been slowing, you might want to set aside at least six months of living expenses in case things get worse and you need to dip into your savings to cover your basic needs. Having that money in a high-yield savings account could help you avoid tapping your IRA or 401(k) prematurely, allowing those investments to keep growing.
Family Support Should Be Temporary
If you have limited financial resources, it’s important that any help you give your children not be open-ended, Carey insists.
“Make it very concrete, such as contributing $1,000 per month [toward your kids’ expenses] for three months to start. Then review after that,” he says. “It is also a good idea to pay specific bills if you can rather than just giving money.”
Be Very Careful With Tapping Home Equity
Your $700,000 home might be your largest financial asset. But Carey says you should be extremely cautious before doing things such as taking out a home equity loan or HELOC.
“Home equity is a great source of emergency money for those in retirement,” Carey explains. “If the markets have several bad years or there is a serious medical emergency where you need to use those funds, you might not have enough if you use [that money] for children.”
As it is, only 64 percent of Americans feel confident they have enough money to retire comfortably, according to recent data from the Employee Benefit Research Institute. If you’re behind on savings, you don’t want to do anything in the near term to reduce the equity you have in your home.
If You Have to Say No, Say No
Saying no to your kids when they need financial help is not easy. But Georgia Bruggeman, founder and CEO at Meridian Financial Advisors, says you absolutely need to take care of yourself first.
“Your kids are young and have time on their side to figure things out,” Bruggeman says. “Bailing them out will not help them learn financial resiliency.”
Bruggeman says that if graduate school has become too expensive, you could suggest that your daughter take a break or talk to the school about other options for moving forward.
While you can’t snap your fingers and magically get your son a job offer, government layoffs are often more cushioned than layoffs in the private sector.
Municipal jobs often come with specific severance packages, payouts for unused paid time off or solid unemployment benefits. Your son should check his civil service options or look into other government agencies that value his experience.
“You need to be an example to your kids and show them that taking care of yourself is not selfish,” Bruggeman insists.
“Do not compromise your own retirement to solve a temporary problem for your children,” he says. “You can help support them, but make sure you are financially secure first.”
Our reader didn’t say whether the $700,000 house is her primary home or if she lives near her adult children. That’s an important detail; she could invite her children to move in with her temporarily. That solution could provide solid financial help to them without dipping into her savings.
If the house is a second vacation home, she could sell it and invest that money to provide an income stream. At a 4 percent withdrawal rate, her additional monthly income would be about $2,300. She could also explore renting the home, though she’s said the house has needed repairs. It’s possible that renting might involve more financial stress than she could bear now.
We think it’s wonderful that she wants to hold onto the home as a legacy for her children. But lowering her family’s financial stress by selling could be the best gift of all.
