Be a Gentleman

GIVING: Under the code of chivalry and courtly love, a man's life was meant to serve others and to give himself to his wife. 'The King and the Beggar-maid,' by Edmund Blair Leighton (1852-1922), oil on canvas, collection of Fred and Sherry Ross. (Artrenewal.org)

For any man wanting to put a little sparkle in his woman’s eyes on Valentine’s Day, chocolates and cards are fine and dandy, but what about a classic act of chivalry?

During the crusades the knights of Europe stepped into the exotic and foreign lands of the Middle East. They encountered Arabic men writing lyrics and poetry to women and being courteous and polite. Arabic men strove to be gallant, trustworthy, and generous. Impressed by what they saw, the knights took notes.

Europe was soon filled with knights-errant, busy wooing their loved ones with songs and poetry instead of fighting for the holy lands.

A wonderful example of chivalry was Saladin (Salahuddin Ayyubi), founder and Sultan of the Ayubbid Dynasty in the Middle East and one of the dominating figures during the time of the crusades. He held a strong belief in helping those in need.

For Saladin this belief extended to his enemies as well, which earned him the respect of his adversaries.

When Richard the Lionheart lost his horse fighting Saladin’s armies, Saladin gave him a new one. When Richard was wounded in battle, Saladin sent him his personal physician. When a Christian woman’s baby was stolen from her to be sold into slavery, Saladin bought the child back with his own money and gave the boy back to his mother.

At Saladin’s death, when his treasurers looked into his coffers to pay for his funeral, it was empty. Saladin had given all his money away to charity. His munificence was legendary. He regularly moved people to tears with his kindness.

Saladin’s conduct was the inspiration for the code of chivalry adopted in Europe. According to this code, a knight was to be selfless, ready to give his life to the Lord or even to a beggar in the street. He was to be a champion fighting for good against evil.

One of the more widely known aspects of chivalry is courtly love. A man’s duty was to serve his wife with no thought of himself. Beyond that, he would treat all women in a gentle and gracious manner. In the code of chivalry, a man was simply to serve with no thought of reward or benefit to himself.

Chivalry in Modern Times

You might think that chivalry is an outmoded concept, but if you are a man looking for a little more depth in your relationship—if you want more than just a companion—it might be worth it to take a few notes from the knights of old. 

What would a knight in modern times do? To get started you might do something unexpected: perhaps write a song or a poem, prepare a meal, do household chores without being asked. Be creative. The idea would be to just sacrifice a bit of yourself for her sake, just to see her have more free time. Her smile and gratitude toward you would be your biggest reward.

This Valentine’s Day, along with giving your loved one chocolate and flowers, don your armor. Give her your undying devotion under all circumstances and in all situations—be a knight in shining armor.