Pregnant and Dumped

Dear Kathy,

I love my wife and baby son, but I had to leave them to preserve my sanity. My wife is a good person most of the time. However, when she gets angry, she is out of control. She screams at the top of her lungs, hits, kicks, and even bites. Any little thing can set her off.

We’ve been together for over a year and love spending time together. We enjoy the same activities and have a lot in common. The problem is that when she gets mad about something, even something minor, she flips a switch and wigs out. It’s gotten a lot worse since she got pregnant.

At first, we were both stoked about the new baby. Then, she started attacking me practically every day. I got tense coming home from work because I never knew what kind of a mood she’d be in. And she calls me on my cell whenever I go out and pitches a fit if I can’t talk. She is remorseful afterwards, but the damage is done.

After our last fight, I just packed up my stuff and moved in with my brother. I could barely breathe I was so stressed-out. For her, it’s over as soon as she quits ranting and raving. I hold it all in because I try my best to calm her down. Then, I’m left with feeling like crap for the rest of the day. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to get out of there.

Ever since we split, she’s been telling everyone I dumped her because she got pregnant and I didn’t want the responsibility of being a father. It’s a total lie and it really burns me up. I love my son and I will always be there for him. How do I deal with this situation?

New Dad

Dear New Dad,

I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. It sounds as though your wife may have a trauma history or mood disorder. Her behavior sounds as though it is out of proportion to the incidents activating her.

For the sake of your son as well as your co-parenting relationship, I suggest that you seek couples counseling in order to pinpoint the reason for your wife’s emotional reactions and resolve the issues between you. Whether you remain in the relationship or choose to separate, you will be grateful to do so with dignity. Your son deserves no less.

Please let me know how things work out,