Part 1: Enough Is Enough
The other day I was “organizing” my bulging closet, and I bought some canvas storage bags to put away the things that were dangling off of the upper shelf. I stuffed them like a turkey at Thanksgiving. They were so heavy that when I put them back on my shelf, the nails holding my closet up actually came out of the wall and everything started to tumble. It was a heavy moment indeed.
As I sat there with my tons of clothes scattered everywhere, I had an “Ah Ha” moment, to quote an Oprahism. It was time for me to surrender. I had to admit that I have a problem, a shopping problem. I am tired of it.
Just before my wardrobe almost buried me, can you believe I was even thinking of hiring a closet organizer to design a new layout for me so that I could have MORE room for MORE stuff? I didn’t have too much stuff—it was just that my closet layout was not efficient enough! Yeah, right, girlfriend.
Who am I kidding? It turns out that I am only kidding myself. How many pairs of black pants does one woman need after all? (I have about 10 pairs ranging in sizes from 4 to 10).
Sure, I can rationalize it to anyone who asks: I am single with no kids, and I make a nice living. I am not in debt from it, so why not buy myself something pretty?I could buy something like diamonds, another Louis Vuitton bag, or a new pair of shoes!
You may be thinking to yourself, “Oh poor girl, I wish I had that problem.” No, you don’t. Let me tell you why.
Part 2: A Never-Ending Quest for More
As I am coming to find out, more stuff doesn’t exactly equal more bliss. Months ago, I was flipping channels and I came across a documentary series. The topic was the Seven Deadly Sins. (I am not going to preach to you, don’t worry). In the greed series, they were explaining that an old Roman monk wrote a maxim to sum up the whole greed problem that was plaguing the Roman Empire at that time.
He wrote, “The more you acquire the more you desire.” I thought to myself: Yes! That is it. A monk from hundreds of years ago nailed my issue on the head exactly. I guess he knew about the never-ending merry-go-round of the buy stuff, feel happy, forget I’m happy, buy more stuff, feel happy again, and forget I’m happy again wheel of misfortune.
The problem of overindulgence is obviously not new, but it has just been greatly facilitated by our modern technology. What do I mean? You don’t have to go to an actual store anymore. A few clicks with your mouse or a phone call and you can have stuff delivered to your door in a matter of days. It is so easy that it’s too easy.
For years I resisted tuning in to the cable shopping channels. But, a few months ago, I caved in. These channels are a nonstop shopping fiesta that goes on 24/7. Rain or shine, hurricane or tornado, you can count on your girls (and a few guys) to be there smiling at you and selling their goods. I don’t blame them; I blame myself.
I used to think that people who would buy a pair of sweatpants at 3 a.m. off of these channels were nuts. I fell into the mixed nut bowl and found myself one of them. For those who can control themselves, it isn’t a problem, I guess. It really is convenient. But I was buying things I didn’t need.
As I see the stuff piling up in my house, I guess the ultimate question I am asking myself is: When will it be enough? When will I feel satisfied? When will this stop? I fear the answer is never.
Part 3: Why Do I Buy?
We all know the saying, the first step to solving any issue is to admit you have a problem. Hooray, I admit it. Now what?
Most of the women I know admit to some “retail therapy” as part of their strategy for getting through life. Don’t we hear other women also joking, “Oh my credit card is burning. Oh, I’ve got to stop shopping!” There are many people joking about this topic, but I guess there comes a point when it doesn’t seem so funny anymore. I’m there.
I am not a trained shrink, but I have watched enough talk shows and read enough women’s magazines over my 30-something years to realize that in order to begin to change myself, I need to peek inside and try to figure out why I do this.
Hold on, here it goes. Am I trying to pretend like I am rich so other people will think more highly of me, because I have self-esteem issues? No, I really don’t think that is it. I am actually a mostly confident person. (Ok, some days I feel blah just like everyone else, but nothing excessive.)
Am I trying to look perfect or be the most fabulously dressed person in the room? Nope. The funny thing is that I find myself wearing the same jeans and T-shirts most of the time, not Armani and Jimmy Choo! If I were really that wound up about labels and brand names, I would put more effort into flaunting it, but I really don’t.
Am I trying to surround myself with pretty things and create my own little world of happiness, because I think the world is falling apart? Ugh, maybe I have hit on something. While I can say that there isn’t any specific rhyme or reason to when or what I buy (that is, I don’t run for the store right after watching the evening news), it is an impulse I find myself feeling very often.
For sure I sense that surge of happiness when I press that “Confirm Your Order” button on a website, and I know the pretty thing I just ordered will greet me at my door in a few days—which, for me, is a happy event. Something good. Something positive. Something that has nothing to do with melting icebergs the size of small states breaking off Antarctica and floating in the ocean, shoe and underwear bombers trying to blow people up around us, the financial crisis, hurricanes, earthquakes, kids shooting kids at school, bullies, Republicans vs. Democrats, bribery, theft, or lewd behavior scandals, or celebrity meltdowns and ensuing rehabs.
Maybe this isn’t the whole reason why I do what I do, but I do think I am trying to build a cocoon of glee around myself because the future looks a bit shaky.
Part 4: The Beginning of the End
I think I am a smart woman, with good insights and a clear head for solving problems. This is what I am known for.
It is easy, though, when the issue is a broken procedure at work, or a leaking pipe, or someone else’s problems. It is a little harder when it is you. However, I truly think it is possible to overcome anything—including this.
My head knows exactly what needs to be done! It is quite easy in fact. Stop buying stuff. Don’t go to stores. Don’t tempt yourself with websites, catalogs, TV channels, and so on.
It is my heart, in fact, which I think I have to have a long, serious talk with. My heart needs to stop worrying about things I can’t control, so I can focus more on things I can have an impact on: For instance, trying to make this gloomy world just a tiny bit better. Smile more, bring back please and thank you, do more kind gestures like writing letters, holding doors open—things that actually don’t cost money. Isn’t it ironic? I am sure I can think of so many more examples.
I do believe that a little spark from one person can ignite a fire in a thousand others. The world needs more good and less bad in my opinion, and that won’t ever get solved with a trip to the mall.
The saying “a journey of a thousand miles begins with just a single step” seems like an appropriate way to end my article. The quote is from Lao Zi, an ancient Chinese philosopher who founded Taoism. (Boy, those ancient guys knew their stuff, huh?)
While I don’t think I will become Mother Theresa overnight, I think I can at least take some baby steps and throw away the tempting catalogs (without peeking inside) that bombard me and my mailbox every day, and maybe even donate some clothes from my bulging closet to a women’s shelter or other organization in need.
I wanted to share this experience with you because I think there are a lot of people out there who shop more than they need to, and want to stop. I am not a trained professional, nor is this article a substitute for professional help if you need it. It is an honest, personal story of acceptance and introspection, with an ending of optimism and hope for an issue I’ve wanted to deal with for some time.
I wish us all good luck.
