There’s this strange protocol in U.S. professional culture: Never talk about salary. Ever.
It makes sense that one would not make salary public for fear of inciting jealousy, envy, and rage—or disgust or pity—among other employees. That much I understand. But for management in a position to do so not to talk about it with individual employees is, frankly, pretty strange.
U.S. office culture pretends that people are there for some other reason. Fulfilment. Meeting challenges. Learning new things. To create. To have pride in building a thriving enterprise. To be part of a family.
The one thing you cannot say: I’m here to pay my bills.
Isn’t that just crazy? This hasn’t likely always been true. I have a hard time believing that working professionals in the 1920s were met with a taboo about salary. Maybe this began in the decades following World War II, when salaries started being paid in benefits. Gradually, an ethos developed that the company is your second family, and you don’t participate in family life for money.
That’s just a theory. In any case, this reality hits people very early on in professional life. You send out resumes. You get the interview. You get the second and third interviews. You talk to human resources. You talk with the person who explains the health care system and the sequence in which you get paid time off, and so on. This can go on for weeks and even months.
During this entire time, no one will tell you your proposed salary. That is the very last thing ever mentioned. You find out when the contract for employment finally arrives, by which time you have already mentally committed. You are excited. You are desperate to get to work to stop the financial problems you face.
The contract arrives. It’s 40 pages of stuff you can barely understand. At the very end, in small print, there it is: a salary that is about 25 percent lower than you expected. No one told you this at any point in the interview process. Now you are stuck. You want the job. You have no idea whether and to what degree mentioning this issue is even allowed.
Most of the time, the person on the receiving end of such a contract will sign on the bottom line without negotiations. Why negotiate when that risks getting you on the bad side of the boss or makes you seem ungrateful or otherwise difficult, when you know for sure that every company appreciates a compliant and satisfied labor force?
The elaborate ritual of interviews, the questions about “cultural fit,” and enthusiasm probes are all theater around everything except the one thing that actually determines whether most people say yes: the pay. The process pretends that the decision is about passion, alignment, skills, vision, and so on, while salary—the top issue—is treated as almost vulgar or secondary until the very last stage. The whole reason you are there has become the one subject about which no one speaks.
Probably the point is to preserve leverage for the employer. You sense it. They know it.
Once you get the job, the subject disappears again. Buried. Very deep. A year goes by, and you are expecting a raise, to something far more in keeping with your expectations. This is when you start to fret. Can you ask when raises are coming, or is that gauche? You let it go for now, but it still bugs you every time you are paid.
How do you ask for a raise?
I’ve been on both sides, asking for a raise and being asked for a raise. It should be a completely normal part of work life, nothing strange or unusual. Be not afraid!
The labor contract is an agreement between two parties, the same as any other exchange. If you want to renegotiate and ask for different terms, that should be seen as just doing business. If it works, great. If it does not, you have to choose whether to stay.
Be realistic about what you are doing there and why you are getting wages to begin with. You are not paid just to be there. You are not paid for your college degree. It is not likely that you are being paid for your personal prestige. You are paid only for the value that your day-to-day work brings to the firm.
The firm has to believe that you are bringing in more value than you are being paid—not the same and certainly not less. There has to be a net gain for both parties (objectively measured and subjectively experienced).
To be clear, and to put a fine point on it: Your employer is not being charitable in paying you. It’s not about generosity. He is buying your labor. If you feel that you’re underpaid, it is not because he is mean. It is because he is paying what he thinks you are worth (or he believes that this job is your best option). If you disagree, you have to be prepared to back it up.
This implies something else you need to think about: Have you made the classic error of embedding yourself too deeply into one job with one firm, or have you continued to cultivate other options? This is a gigantic issue for anyone in a fast-moving labor market. You have to stay on the market, at least in principle.
A final point to remember: Higher salaries come with greater expectations and increased vulnerability. The highest-paid worker is subject to a much greater deal of scrutiny than everyone else.
Everyone wants more money. This is a given. Your employer knows this about you, just as you know it about him. There is no shame in that. You should feel absolutely no guilt about it. It is a given. A fact of the world. We should speak freely about this.
If your employer is outraged that you would dare ask for more, there really is a problem. You probably work for a jerk who imagines that he has you captive. If your request results in some crazy blowup, you need to look for a new position elsewhere.
Finally, lots of times, the hope for a higher salary is prompted by something in your personal life. Health-care costs. A new house. A new car. Kids. Your dog requires some expensive surgery. You know what, though? None of it matters. It should not be part of your salary negotiations. You are not begging. You are making a deal.
It is entirely possible that your employer will say no. That’s fine. That is not being mean. It is not an insult. It just means that he isn’t ready to buy your services yet at the price you are asking. Don’t be discouraged by this. Just smile, shake hands, and say: “I’m very grateful you considered it! Let’s get back to work!” Then you know you have a job to do: become ever more productive.
There is no reason to buy into this strange corporate ethos in which it is considered unseemly to talk about money and salary. The change begins with you.
