One of the most worrying trends in Western societies is the failing institution of marriage.
Not only are divorce rates high, but increasingly young people are opting out altogether. A generation ago, 80 to 90 percent of the population in the United States would have been married by the age of 35; the number is now closer to 60 percent and has been falling over the past 10 years.
That number matters because marriages are less likely to produce children after 35. In virtually all Western countries, the birth rate is now below replacement, which is almost certainly linked to the falling marriage rates.
What is it about this ancient and venerable institution, one that has worked to ensure the survival of our civilization, that is so unappealing to the young?
Theories abound. Social roles have changed. Men fear commitment. Women no longer need to depend on men to provide for them. It is easier now to avoid having children. Young people cannot afford to buy a home, and so on.
More important than an analysis of decline is to search out examples in our culture that have prized this essential institution and look to them for knowledge and inspiration about how this imperiled institution might be revived.
When Jane Austen wrote her masterpiece “Pride and Prejudice,” marriage was placed at the very heart of the culture. Consider the novel’s famous opening lines, “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
We soon discover that it is not only a gentleman with a fortune who thinks about marriage. A woman’s education, her social life, the future care of her children and parents, her father’s connections and fortune, all play into her highest hope that one day she may become married, have children of her own, and cultivate their prospects in kind. Society as a whole turns on married life in Austen’s world.
Austen was a keen observer of the social pressures surrounding marriage. One might go as far as to say that the burden on young people in her time was much greater than in our own. But it is neither a social obligation nor the mere fact of its cultural importance that led Austen to defend marriage.
Perhaps the greatest novelist of all time, Austen prized marriage because of the prospect of happiness it offers to husband and wife. If a man and woman marry for love, this elevates the chances of social goods that naturally flow from a happy marriage for children and the wider society.
For her, if young people do not approach marriage in this way—if they do not marry for love, affection, and friendship—they cannot reasonably expect to be happy in it when the inevitable challenges of children, finances, and the follies and wickedness of self and others are thrown in their way.
For all the differences between society in her day and our own, we still have something important and essential in common with Austen. When young people do marry, they still marry for love, in the hope that they may find happiness by committing their life to another person. Similarly, young people do not marry for the same reason: they do not see how their happiness in this life could or should depend upon another person.
Austen thought marriage is a mixture of romance and friendship. Elizabeth Bennet cannot reconcile herself to marrying Fitzwilliam Darcy—an ideal match from a material and social perspective—before she first learns to respect him, wish for his happiness, and discover how much she wishes his happiness to depend on herself.
The marriage and courtship of Darcy and Elizabeth is filled with sadness and tragedy, as any married life will be, but because they approach married life with discernment and caution alongside a deep sense of romance, they are able to overcome their own shortcomings, their pride and prejudice—the novel is not called “Of Love and Happiness,” note well!
Once they are able to conquer themselves, they are also able to will the good of one another and form meaningful friendships in the wider community that work to contain the evils they find in it. The sense of mutual goodwill that forms the basis of their courtship and marriage puts them in a position to protect the vulnerable, innocent, and those less fortunate than themselves.
If we can begin to encourage young people to embrace the adventure of married life and see the possibility of deep friendship there, in addition to the obvious appeal of romance, we may begin to rebuild our culture, contain and work through the tragedy we find in the world, and offer a nourishing site for the young to grow in knowledge and love.
Young people remain deeply romantic but have little idea of how to channel their romantic instincts. The institution of marriage is a great teacher, and few taught it better than Jane Austen, warts and all. If you are considering married life or know someone who is, encourage them to crack the cover of “Pride and Prejudice.” A slow and sensitive reading will offer the kind of education that will last a lifetime.
