‘Rom-Com’ vs ‘Epic Adventure’: Author Explains How the Perception of Marriage Has Changed

There are two common views of marriage, researcher and author Peter Jon Mitchell says. One is a more traditional or “institutional” view, and the other is the “soulmate” view, with the latter being the predominant one today.

The institutional view is a more “ancient way” of thinking of marriage, where partners “voluntarily constrain themselves” in a permanent union to pursue a shared purpose, he says, adding that this model often results in integration through parenthood, emotional intimacy, and economic cooperation.

“I think it’s that kind of logic that has been perhaps lost, or is emphasized much less, when we think about marriage today,” Mitchell, co-author of the book “I … Do? Why Marriage Still Matters,” said in an interview with The Epoch Times.

On the other hand, the soulmate view is based primarily on emotion, and it is often seen as a path to self-fulfillment, Mitchell says. He argues this perception of marriage can develop into a more “individualistic” relationship, emphasizing one’s sense of self over the partnership itself.

He likens the soulmate view to a romantic comedy or “rom-com,” as it tends to be focused on romantic notions of marriage. Meanwhile, the institutional view resembles an “epic adventure,” he says, where “there are highs and lows, loss and grief, but also happiness and joy over the long-term adventure.”

“Those are sort of the two models we juxtapose in the book,” he says.

‘Healthy Marriage Culture’

The perception of marriage has shifted over time from being a cornerstone of social life to a personal choice often seen as “nice” but “unnecessary,” Mitchell says.

He suggests that creating a “healthy marriage culture” where young generations are aware of the value of lifelong commitment can help restore what is known in social science as the “marriage advantage,” which, according to research, leads partners to experience better financial, health, and emotional outcomes than their unmarried peers, including those who choose cohabitation.

(Rawpixel.com/Shutterstock)

“I’m sure most Canadians are aware that marriage has been declining, but I think we need to care about that,” Mitchell said. “I would really encourage Canadians to think about marriage as something that is more than just nice, but it actually is beneficial, not only to individuals but to Canadian society.”

In the book, Mitchell and his co-author Andrea Mrozek set out to compile insights from nearly two decades of work in family policy and research on marriage and family, he said. Both are research fellows at Cardus, an Ottawa-based think tank.

Mitchell says that in recent decades, shifting views on marriage have contributed to lower marriage rates, later first marriages, and fewer public conversations about its role. He notes that many young adults tend to see marriage as a personal choice rather than a priority, often focusing on individual fulfillment over long-term commitment to a partner.

“As we say many times in the book, marriage isn’t for everyone, but I think everyone should at least have an understanding of why marriage still matters in society at large, and why that stability is good for society,” he said.

Drop in Marriages

In 2020, Canada saw the largest annual decline in marriages in more than nine decades, with a 33 percent drop from the previous year’s number of 146,121. That year, the country recorded 98,355 marriages, the lowest number since 1938, which saw 90,709 marriages.

Statistics Canada noted in a November 2022 report that the “historic” drop in 2020 may have been influenced by public health policies during the pandemic that restricted gatherings and “likely disrupted the wedding plans of many couples.”

In their book, Mitchell and Mrozek outline studies suggesting that married couples may have better outcomes in areas like health and emotional well-being than their unmarried peers. (MNStudio/Shutterstock)

Meanwhile, the 2020 drop comes after a five-decade-long decline in marriage numbers in Canada, since the number peaked at 200,470 in 1972. Between 1968 and 1991, the annual number of marriages still remained above 170,000, but that number has gradually fallen in the years since, according to StatCan figures.

Canada’s long-term decline in marriage rates reflects a global trend seen across many countries, including all G7 nations.

Mitchell identifies the 1950s to the 1970s as the period when views on marriage began to change. Key factors included the sexual revolution and the divorce revolution, the latter accompanied by laws that made divorce more accessible.

Peter Jon Mitchell, program director for Cardus Family Peter Jon Mitchell

“All these changes certainly had an impact on how people viewed marriage and needed relationships,” he said.

Canada had a record-high of 97,773 divorces in 1987, the most in the five decades from 1970 to 2020. This peak followed the 1986 reform of the Divorce Act, which simplified the divorce process.

A key change in that legislation was the introduction of no-fault divorce, allowing couples to dissolve their marriage without the need to prove wrongdoing, such as adultery, physical cruelty, or mental cruelty.

Since then, the number of annual divorces has generally declined, likely due in part to a drop in marriages. In 2020, the number of divorces fell to 42,933, the lowest number recorded since 1973. Pandemic-related delays in court proceedings were likely a major factor driving the decline, Statistics Canada says.

Meanwhile, the average age at marriage in Canada has risen almost continuously since the late 1960s, increasing from 25.6 years in 1968 to 35.3 years in 2019. Statistics Canada attributes this rise partly to the growing prevalence of common-law unions across the country.

“In recent years, the growing popularity of common-law unions, sometimes as a prelude to marriage, has become the main reason for delaying marriage,” the agency said.

Cohabitation Trends

In 2021, Canada had the highest share of couples living common law among G7 countries, with Quebec leading this trend. That year, 23 percent of couples in Canada were cohabiting, and two-fifths of them (43 percent) were from Quebec.

“We see higher rates of cohabitation in Canada than we do in the U.S., interestingly enough, and part of that is driven too by interesting and unique family dynamics in Quebec,” Mitchell said.

Canada’s long-term decline in marriage rates reflects a global trend seen across many countries, including all G7 nations. Christin Lola/Shutterstock

Living together without being married was most common among young Canadian adults, as nearly 80 percent of those aged 20 to 24 who were part of a couple were in common-law relationships in 2021, according to Statistics Canada.

By that year, the number of common-law couples had increased by 447 percent since 1981, while the number of married couples grew by 26 percent over the same period. However, marriage remained the most common type of union, StatCan notes.

While some “cohabiting relationships look a lot like marriage and function a lot like marriage,” there are still some differences between cohabiting couples and those who are married, Mitchell says.

For example, married couples are generally more stable, he says, with fewer of those relationships ending compared to common-law couples. A 2024 report from Statistics Canada notes that in 2017, 65 percent of people whose first union was common-law had ended their relationship, while 24 percent of those whose first union was marriage had done so.

On the other hand, marriage can offer financial advantages, as married couples are more likely to pool their income and utilize it together, Mitchell said, whereas cohabiting partners are more likely to keep separate bank accounts.

Meanwhile, married couples tend to have higher net worth than those who cohabit, Mitchell notes, pointing to various studies.

One example is a 2018 study by researchers at Iowa State and Kansas State universities. It found that individuals who cohabit tend to accumulate less wealth than those who marry without cohabiting first.

The study’s authors attribute this pattern to the “more short-term and unstable” nature of cohabiting relationships, which they say often require individuals to restart their financial planning after a breakup.

The study found that married and cohabiting couples tend to spend money differently, with married couples being more likely to invest in assets like a house or retirement savings, and cohabiting couples being more likely to invest in non-financial items such as furniture and cars.

The ‘Marriage Advantage’

Marriage seems to offer extra benefits, says Mitchell, referring to the “marriage advantage.” In their book, Mitchell and Mrozek outline studies suggesting that married couples may have better outcomes than their unmarried peers in areas like health and emotional well-being.

That advantage includes higher levels of happiness among married couples, more than those who are cohabiting or have never married, according to research. The book also highlights health benefits, with studies suggesting that married people are less likely to have heart attacks, have a higher likelihood of recovering from cancer, and tend to respond better to stress.

Research shows that marriage can benefit children, says Peter John Mitchell. (fizkes/Shutterstock)

“One of the [advantages] we addressed in the book, and I found so surprising when I was researching at the time, was the health advantage that is associated with being married,” Mitchell said.

“We see faster recovery from illnesses, earlier detection of disease from these sorts of things, and generally longer lifespans for married people.”

Marriage can also benefit children, Mitchell said, with research suggesting that those with married parents appear to have a higher standard of living and educational attainment and are less likely to engage in risky behaviour.

The book notes that the positive outcomes of marriage depend on the quality of the relationship and are more likely when the relationship is healthy, not high in conflict.

Two main hypotheses may explain the marriage advantage, Mitchell says. One is that happy and healthy people are more likely to get married. The other is that marriage itself may help improve overall well-being.

The book says that while there is evidence for both hypotheses, society could still benefit from including decades of research on the social benefits of family structure and stability in policy discussions.

Reframing the Conversation

Mitchell points to several ways in which the role of marriage in society can be restored. One is to change public policy to remove barriers that prevent couples from getting married.

He cites the example of a couple who he says waited almost 10 years to get married because marriage would have lowered one partner’s disability benefits. He explains this is known as the “marriage penalty” in public policy, where getting married affects a person financially through taxes or social benefits.

“This couple waited 10 years because of the financial disadvantage of getting married,” Mitchell said. “That is something that governments can easily deal with.”

In addition, helping younger generations understand why marriage still matters today could shift the conversation. One way to do this, he suggests, is by including discussions on marriage and its benefits in schools.

“I think we have to be honest about how rewarding it is, but also how difficult it can be,” he said.

On the other hand, a more positive portrayal of marriage and family life in the media could help improve how they are viewed, Mitchell says.

“I would love to see marriage portrayed more positively in the media, and I would love to hear more stories of successful marriages,” he said.

“I think that will be helpful in terms of re-establishing a healthy marriage culture.”