‘It’s the Child Who Suffers’: A Father Battles the Court System to Save His Daughter From Gender Ideology

A father fights to protect his young daughter from gender ideologues in the family court system.

Serghei Turcanu, iStock/Getty Images

“Your daughter is trans, and you’re a homophobic racist if you don’t accept her,” the court-appointed guardian told Mark. Stunned, Mark realized the gravity of what his daughter, Summer, was experiencing. Determined to intervene, he reached out to resources he hoped would offer an alternative perspective, one that could steer her away from a decision he feared might haunt her for life.

Summer was only 12 years old when she expressed a desire to transition to male. According to Mark, the decision followed a traumatic three-month period during which she was emotionally vulnerable and lacked proper guidance. Rather than receiving the mental health support she needed, Summer was drawn into discussions of transgender identity.

Mark shared his story in an exclusive interview with The Epoch Times. He hopes it can empower other parents to critically engage with the gender theories increasingly plaguing the children of this generation.

His story is also a cautionary tale about how gender politics overshadows life-threatening disorders like anorexia and keeps kids from getting the help they need.

The Father-Daughter Bond

“It was always the two of us, like two peas in a pod,” reminisces Mark, describing the times he and Summer spent at Comic-Cons, motorcycle shows, and concerts. “My daughter and I did everything together.”

“My daughter was always a sweet little girl,” Mark said. “I never had any hint that she wanted to be a boy. I sat on the floor and played Barbies with this kid her whole life. I had to paint her room purple because she wanted a purple bedroom and she wanted to be a princess.”

A brush with cancer made it especially important to record his daughter’s childhood: “We’ve got video after video of my daughter just being a little girl, from the day she was born.”

Mark is a professional in a midwestern city; he describes himself as a “white, conservative Christian.” He and Summer’s mother, Lisa, had never married; when they split a few years ago, they shared custody and child support informally. “It was a little hard on [Summer] but nothing crazy,” he remembered.

A Bitter Custody Battle

However, things changed when Mark decided to marry. The formerly amicable arrangement turned bitter, and Summer’s mother refused to allow Mark to see their daughter.

Confused and emotionally adrift, Summer was left searching for an anchor in her life, Mark said.

Then, further tragedy struck: Summer’s grandmother and uncle both passed away from cancer.

With her social media usage going unsupervised and lacking attentive parenting, Summer was increasingly influenced by an older relative who introduced her to books on pansexuality and transgenderism.

According to Mark, Summer’s identification shifted rapidly over a short period. She explored various identities before finally settling on transgender, he said.

‘A Totally Different Person’

Desperate to reconnect with his daughter, Mark took Lisa to court for the right to see Summer. When he finally did, he found her wholly changed, appearing afraid and resistant.

“She was a totally different person,” he recalled. “From that moment on I couldn’t have a conversation with my daughter because I couldn’t call her by her name.” Any attempt to address her by her birth name triggered explosive accusations of homophobia and accusations of “deadnaming” from her.

“Every time I saw her she was angry, bitter, didn’t want to talk to me,” he said. “It was a horrible experience.”

Mark later discovered that Lisa had blocked his number on the cell phone he had bought for Summer. Worse still, Lisa told Summer that Mark had chosen his new marriage over her, leaving the girl convinced her father had abandoned her and stopped calling. This manipulation, Mark believes, explains the fear and animosity that now color his relationship with his daughter.

Health Concerns Ignored

Adding to Mark’s concerns, Summer began showing signs of an eating disorder. She became alarmingly thin, Mark says.

A therapist told Mark that people with eating disorders often feel a lack of control in their lives, with food being the one thing they can control.

Summer’s refusal to eat seemed linked to her desire to appear more masculine.

As Summer delved deeper into gender ideology, her eating disorder worsened. Frustrated and deeply concerned, Mark found that Lisa, Summer’s mother, was solely focused on affirming her daughter’s newfound identity, even encouraging the use of a chest binder.

An Alternate Diagnosis

Refusing to relinquish his fatherly duties, Mark sought professional assistance. After an extensive search, he found a therapist willing to approach his daughter’s situation with objectivity.

The therapist’s assessment was revealing: Summer had assumed an alternate identity as a trans boy, largely as a coping mechanism for the ongoing battle between her parents. The therapist told Mark that Summer’s condition wasn’t necessarily rooted in her being transgender but was likely a symptom of a deeper mental health issue.

A second therapist agreed, telling Mark that Summer’s confusion was rooted in trauma.

“Your daughter is basically trying to create a wall and be a new person,” Mark explained, “so that she’s not hurt by Mom and Dad fighting over this other person. The more I deny that my daughter is this boy, the more I’m getting her angry, because the more I’m taking away the wall that she’s protecting herself [with].”

Long-term counseling would be critical. “It’s not going to be an easy overnight switch, you can’t just turn the switch off for these kids,” Mark realized. “It was a long haul going in and it’s going to be a long haul coming out.”

The delicacy of the situation was further compounded by Summer’s eating disorder. Medical professionals warned that the condition had the potential to impair her cognitive development, making it difficult for her to fully grasp the implications of her actions.

Despite the therapist’s analysis and medical concerns, the court remained skeptical and did not accept the alternative diagnosis.

Questionable Role of the Family Court System

Mark said he found himself stonewalled by the family court system.

In a move typical in contentious custody disputes, the family court appointed a “guardian ad litem”—a court-appointed guardian to represent Summer’s interests.

The guardian ad litem then picked the court-appointed therapist for Summer. The therapist’s sole focus seemed to be on affirming Summer’s transgender identity.

Mark’s attempts to establish a dialogue with both the guardian and the therapist went unacknowledged.

Desperate, Mark spent over $10,000 on an independent psychological evaluation, which took seven months to complete. To his dismay, the report recommended distancing his daughter from him, citing his refusal to use her preferred pronouns.

Mark later found that the evaluation relied solely on evidence provided by Lisa, Summer’s mother. “Nothing I entered [as evidence] was looked at,” he recalls. Confirming his suspicion, the evaluating psychiatrist admitted in writing that she had chosen not to look at Mark’s evidence.

Adding to his frustration, the court prohibited Mark from taking Summer to church, asserting she had adopted atheism and might “feel triggered” by religious settings. Mark saw this as a bewildering affront, convinced that spirituality could lend emotional stability to his daughter.

For the supposed purpose of “reunification,” a separate therapist was appointed. Rather than focusing on rebuilding the shattered father-daughter relationship, the therapist “pegged me as a monster, affirmed my daughter,” he said.

The therapist advised him: “You need to go to [Summer’s school] LGBTQ club” to learn “how to use proper pronouns and how to respect the trans community.”

The court-appointed therapist gave Mark “a list of places to go and podcasts to listen to,” he said. He listened but went further. After listening to conservative commentators like Jordan Peterson and Matt Walsh, he went on the offensive. “I went back to them with a lot of quotes” that countered the prevailing narrative, he said.

Mark lamented that the system had lost sight of his daughter’s well-being, suspecting that ideological bias had overshadowed any genuine concern for Summer.

He concluded that there are funding incentives built into the system to prolong court battles between parents and to de-incentivize a 50/50 custody decision. For parents who want to appeal a biased decision, he said, “Judges can’t be held accountable; the attorneys can’t be held accountable; there’s nowhere to go.”

Parents may feel anguish and frustration, but ultimately, “it’s the child who suffers,” he said.

Although several professionals disagreed with the court-ordered therapist about the source of Summer’s issues, ultimately “it doesn’t matter” because the court will only listen to the court-appointed guardian, Mark said.

Further, Mark feels his politics doomed him. “They just happened to get a guardian ad litem, a therapist, and a psychiatrist who were on the opposite side of the political spectrum,” he said wryly. While “there’s no reason” why politics should have entered into the discussion, court papers noted that he was a Trump supporter.

School as a Facilitator

Mark cited Summer’s public junior high school as complicit in her social transition. From calling out her male name during graduation to featuring it on report cards, the school seemed to affirm Summer’s new identity without consulting him. The school never even asked for Mark’s input, he said.

Reportedly, almost 40 percent of Summer’s junior high class identify as trans. Mark questioned the statistical likelihood of this, describing it as “mathematically impossible.”

From personal conversations with teachers at the school, he realized that “the school was indoctrinating the kids,” but “people were afraid to lose their job; they didn’t want to say anything.”

“It’s a social contagion,” Mark said, reinforced “at a very vulnerable age, frequently after there’s been some sort of trauma in their life.”

Parents Band Together

As he reflected on the 11 years of close companionship he had shared with his daughter, Mark began questioning his own sanity. He found the support of other parents to be essential.

“For a moment you start to think, ‘Am I the crazy one?’ Because your daughter, who loved you for eleven years and was inseparable, now hates you.”

The reality is that many parents of trans kids have remarkably similar stories.

Frequently, trauma is the common thread. “Every one of these parents I’ve talked to with a little girl who wanted to be a trans boy have all experienced the same thing: trauma, eating disorder, depression, you could fill in the blanks ...  My wife and I would listen to stories; we‘d start laughing and say ’They sound like they’re telling our own story.'”

Currently, Summer is “dating” another girl who also identifies as a trans boy, Mark said, acknowledging that “it doesn’t make any sense.” In a somewhat unexpected twist, Mark and his new wife have cultivated a friendship with the girl’s parents. Mark described it as an alliance borne of shared concerns. Together, they aim to keep a closer eye on their children’s lives in hopes of better understanding—and perhaps influencing—their complex emotional landscapes.

Deterioration of Summer’s Health

Mark’s anxiety heightened as Summer’s physical health visibly deteriorated. Noting her disinterest in food and keenness to suppress her feminine features, Mark arranged a doctor’s appointment.

The diagnosis was dire: severe depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. However, the doctor seemed to give precedence to another diagnosis—“an expressed desire for gender transition.”

Undeterred, Mark sought a second opinion from a specialist in eating disorders, only to have his fears confirmed—Summer had anorexia.

During a subsequent visit to his home, Mark tried to encourage Summer to eat. His efforts were met with resistance and escalated to Summer locking herself in the bathroom. Knowing that she primarily lived with her mother—who seemed indifferent to her condition—Mark feared for his daughter’s wellbeing.

His pleas to the court fell on deaf ears.“Friends wanted to call child services,” he said, “but the court said, ‘There’s no emergency here.’”

Now 14 and weighing just 86 pounds, Summer’s nutritional deficits threaten not only her cognitive development but also her heart health. Mark has nightmares about the potentially fatal path she is on. “We’re in a dire situation ... she could die,” he said.

A Glimmer of Hope: A Legal Milestone

After an exhausting two and a half years, Mark’s persistence has borne some fruit.

The court finally granted him an equal say in medical decisions concerning Summer. Backed by medical advice, the court ruled against any hormonal treatment, puberty blockers, or gender-affirming surgeries until Summer reaches 18.

“I bought myself four years to try to turn all of this around,” Mark said, relieved at the incremental victory.

Correction: A previous version of this story incorrectly stated Mark’s marital status. The Epoch Times regrets the error.

Pseudonyms are used in this article to protect the family’s safety and privacy.