Prisoner at Home: Codependent

December 14, 2013 Updated: April 24, 2016

Dear Kathy,

     I am a prisoner in my own home. My husband never wants me to leave our home without him, except for routine errands like grocery shopping. I feel trapped because I’m codependent.

     Our youngest child is in high school and I don’t work. I want to volunteer a few hours a week and he insists that I need to stay home to “take care of the kids and make them lunch.” What kids??

     They’re practically adults and they can certainly make their own sandwiches. What can I do about this codependent relationship?

Please help,

“Mary Ellen”

Dear Mary Ellen,

     I suggest marital counseling with a counselor certified in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). Check out some of the clips of therapy sessions on the ICEEFT website.

     EFT focuses on discovering the underlying emotions which are the root causes of your negative interactional cycle. Instead of labelling yourself “codependent,” find out what your belief systems are about yourself, your husband, and your marriage. Journey with your husband to discover his belief systems, as well.

     If you choose to enter counseling with an open mind, you will be enriched regardless of the therapeutic outcome. If your husband won’t go to counseling with you, go by yourself. As you change, so will your relationship.

     Please keep me updated on your situation. My heart is with you.

Blessings,

Kathy

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