“Domine, quo vadis?” Peter asked in astonishment. “Lord, where are you going?”
Jesus replied, “I am going to Rome to be crucified again,” and then vanished.
Shamed by his cowardice and the betrayal of his faith, Peter returned to Rome and was soon crucified.
Shame of a certain type is a destroyer.
In “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead,” professor and author Brené Brown wrote: “We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.”
But what of a society that seems bent on abolishing shame altogether? In particular, what happens when a personal sense of shame, one that we might use to keep ourselves in line, disappears?
In private life as well, some people behave abominably with no outward signs of regret. Under a pseudonym, they smear others on social media. Some steal supplies from the workplace and then laugh it off: “Everyone does it.” Some look at sex as recreation and care not a whit about those they hurt.
This diminished sense of shame is symptomatic of a deeper cultural rot: the absence of a common code of ethics and virtue. Many men and women, likely a majority, adhere to some traditional measuring stick of correct behavior, yet society at large has erased many of the communal religious and moral strictures of our ancestors. Aristotelian ethics, the four classical virtues, the Ten Commandments, the Golden Rule: These and other moral basics of the past are undervalued and undertaught these days. In their place is a “selfie” culture focused on individual rights unbounded by individual responsibilities, steered by a philosophy loosely called relativism. This ship sailed years ago, and few of us possess the resources, skills, or bully pulpit to reverse its course.
With this lodestar of virtue as our guide, we can live with honor and dignity—and without fear of shame—and shine a light enabling our children to follow us.
