Panico tells his story to dissuade others from going down the same-sex relationship path and to show them living proof that they can still find happiness.
Panico recounts that he had a great childhood, growing up in Queens, New York, with two loving parents and four siblings. However, he never found women physically attractive and struggled to reconcile his sexual preferences with living according to his faith.
He makes it clear he was never molested or exposed to pornography as a child. He was simply born with same-sex attraction. The film examines how every person struggles with different desires and tendencies. Some struggle with gambling, impatience, or same-sex attraction. Panico shares that why he was created that way remains a mystery to him.
Panico recalls being feminine as a child. When he grew older, he would go out with girls to impress his friends. Eventually, however, he moved to Los Angeles and, in his twenties, came out as a gay man. He had multiple relationships with men and embraced the gay lifestyle. Unfortunately, he fell into drug addiction and substance abuse during his time in Los Angeles. Heavy alcohol and crystal meth use led to what he now describes as a “terrible life.” He continued to go to Catholic mass during this time, asking for help from God, but would leave and continue to sin.
Eventually, Panico asked God to take the need for a mate or partner away from him. Slowly, God answered this prayer. Finally, he left his gay lifestyle and began practicing abstinence. Now when people ask him if he’s gay or straight, he says that when you practice abstinence, it doesn’t matter what your sexual preferences are. It doesn’t define you.
Panico explains that the thoughts that enter our minds do not make us sinful. However, thoughts become sins when we allow them to fester and eventually influence our actions. He notes that sexual immorality is a sin regardless of sexual orientation—whether it means a man and woman sleeping together out of the context of marriage, or people acting on same-sex attraction.
Neither is a bigger sin than the other, Panico says. Both fall outside the lines of God’s design for sexual conduct. Everyone is a sinner, and we have to try to live like Jesus every day.
Panico believes the Church should welcome everyone but should never condone sin in someone’s lifestyle. He compares it to the way the Church treats any other issue with sin. For example, when someone is a drug addict, should we give them drugs? In the same way, when someone is acting on same-sex attraction, we shouldn’t condone that, he says.
The film also notes that homosexuality is not anything new. Scripture shows homosexuality as being rampant even in the days of Noah. Panico points out that there’s nothing wrong with abstinence. The current cultural narrative says it’s good to be sexually active, and indicates that there’s something wrong with people who aren’t.
Panico has now practiced abstinence for over 17 years. His hope for people who struggle with same-sex attraction is that they will see how happy he is and that he doesn’t need to have a sexual partner to live a good life.
The filmmaker describes coming out to his mother and remembers how loving and understanding she was. Although the revelation devastated her, and she did not condone his lifestyle, she showed him compassion and love. A big part of how she showed her love was by praying for him.
As the film concludes, Panico testifies that he was in a dark place, but Jesus Christ saved him. He wants the whole world to know that they, too, can be saved.
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